After 47 years in the same home in Berkeley Michigan, my brother and I moved our octogenarian parents to Los Angeles in 2014 into a little Spanish style house in Glendale so we could be with them in their final years. My mother had dementia, and my father had been her primary caregiver for several years at that point. Dad was a generous, loving husband and father, and was fiercely independent. He lived for cooking and running the household for my Mother and their two dogs, a beagle named Brandy and a black lab mix named Precious. As Dad and Mom became more disabled and the constant churn of caregivers and caregiving agencies had become too mach to manage, we reluctantly came to the conclusion that we needed to move them into assisted living. Dad was at the cusp of turning 92, and Mom had just turned 89. This was incredibly difficult for my father, who had lived with Mom for at that point 67 years. But as their disabilities mounted, we moved them into Solheim, attracted to the proximity of memory care to the residential population, and also attracted to pitch by sales staff of their in-house Skilled nursing facility. We felt Solheim would be our best option for keeping Mom and Dad together. Unfortunately for our family, we signed the contract in January of 2020.
By the time we moved them in the first week of March 2020, Dad wasn't even in his apartment for two weeks before Solheim staff shunted him off to Skilled nursing due to a wound they had assessed as stage 4. So now in addition to memory care for Mom, we were paying for my father's one bedroom suite and skilled nursing. This was a sweet deal for Solheim. We hung onto the apartment for another two months, hoping he would improve. But the facility was locked down and we couldn't see either of them. Worse, the staff would give us no way to verify the progress - or lack there of - of my father's wound. The staff wouldn't arrange for my father's physician to give us a second opinion on the wound. I involved an Ombudsman to stray to advocate for moving my father into a private room to protect him from Covid, but they made none available to us. By the beginning of May, after Dad had languished in SN since the second week of March, we reluctantly let his apartment go.
By mid-May 2020, I had begun to complain to Solheim management about the deficiencies of Covid protection for residents. Masking had been mandatory amongst facility staff and the population in communal areas, but the facility was slow to test the staff even though at the time Garcetti had made tests free and plentiful to nursing facilities. I was personally providing KN95's to my mom's staff, because all the facility provided them was surgical masks, which were worn loosely and ineffectively. It was only a matter of time before a SN worker infected my Dad with Covid-19. As the days ticked by, I spoke to Dad every day, rejoicing that his voice was still clear. I was grateful to hear him taking strong breaths. Overjoyed hear him complain about the food. But like clockwork, by the second week, he began to deteriorate and the speed was devastating. Two days after he presented symptoms, he had to be transferred to Adventist Hospital. I met him as the EMT's wheeled him into the ER. The clothes he was in were filthy, and he was unshaved. He died two days later and due to a lack of communication with hospice, he died alone. I will never be able to process the neglect Solheim showed my father and the cruelty they showed me. The day after his death, the director of nursing was literally screaming at me on the phone for involving an Ombudsman in my mother's care.
In contrast, the staff in Memory care were incredibly kind to my mother. The activities were great, and from what I observed from the short time she was there, the staff was engaged, compassionate and dedicated. They welcomed my calls, and I will always be grateful to them for keeping her safe. By about a month later, I was able to transfer her out of there into a Covid-free facility. I was able to hold my Mom's hand when she passed away in September.
After losing my parents, it seems petty to say this but I feel it's worth mentioning that a valuable gold bracelet was stolen from my mom, about a month and a half after she moved in. In fairness, we were advised not to bring it in. The theft was discovered by our private caregiver. The day after she reported it, she was barred by the facility, purportedly due to County regulations. The timing could have been coincidental, I'm sure.
I had really hoped we could give my parents the final days they richly deserved. They were such wonderful people and not a day goes by I don't miss them. I will always regret we put them at Solheim. They deserved so much better. read more