Dear Stones,
Hi - it's me, Chris. Remember me? We go way back - I remember visiting you when I was a wee young lad, remember? You had the tapes in the glass cases that you had to ask to be opened in the front and the back was all vinyl? Yeah.
We had good times. I loved meeting Iron Maiden, Glenn Danzig, Rob Zombie, Rob Halford, and many other bands in your store.
The old security guard - the younger guy who was an off duty cop - real friendly like, the guy who one day my buddy was shopping and asked where I was - I was on my honeymoon - then the next time I dropped in, maybe three weeks later, he came up to me and my wife, shook our hands and congratulated us on our nuptials.
Yeah, the guys like that are the reason why when my buddy got his license, that was the first place we went, and I went back - almost every week, literally, for 15 years. I've easily spent $20,000 in your doors over the years, if you think I'm lying you haven't seen my media room.
But, we've grown apart, and honestly - it's you, not me.
First - I'm so tired of being stalked around the store when I shop. When the twin albino headbangers followed me around, it was awesome because they had no tact and because I'd pretend I was being chased by heavy metal loving ghosts. I remember making hilarious laps around the store, turning at random aisles just to see what they'd do, and they'd follow me at every twist and turn, I felt like Pac-Man! Meanwhile my friends would stand by the shirts and take it in and laugh hysterically.
Plus, I'm older now, I finished college, I have a career, I can see following around a 16 year old, but I'm nearly 30 - get off my back. It's not even the fact that I'm being watched, it's that when I look at the person staring at me - sometimes because I'm walking in their general direction - they cross their arms, puff out their chest, and attempt to stare me down. Customer service this is not. I assure you, the past few times I had things in my hand that I intended to buy, but I was treated with such hostility I put them back. I'm the guy that tried handing my stack of CDs to one of your thugs (he just glared at me when I told him I wasn't going to spend my money because of his attitude)....but somehow I doubt I'm the first person to do something like that.
Second - I'm not here to make accusations but some of your products just don't look right - why are so many of your CDs made in South America? I bought a CD set from you - Beethoven symphonies, yeah that's right - Beethoven from Stones, it was $30 or so which was a solid deal for something different....I don't get why the back and front covers are pixelated when I've seen this set elsewhere with crisp graphics and why the CD graphics look so....off. It's just strange.
Third - the gigantic porn section is just too much. Really. And what I like is you have all those jerks staring me down when I look at CDs but your porn section goes unmanned. What's that? You have this new technology called cameras there? Can't you put those by the CDs? I can ignore a camera, not Blinky and Pinky.
Fourth - your shady CDs may be cheap but your DVD prices are not even remotely competitive - your $2 selection of garbage doesn't fool me.
Fifth - your snot nosed check out clerks aren't cooler than me. I assure you. They may be younger, but their whole get up just reeks of effort. Effort = lame.
Sixth - what's with all the rap and nu-metal? I remember seeing (relatively) obscure stuff here, cool (legal) import singles of bands I loved, and if something new was coming out by a great band, you'd have it the day it hit the streets, if not a few days earlier. Yeah, you have the new Disturbed, but why no Damned? You sir are the Load era - maybe there's a hint of the greatness you used to have, but for now, you just suck.
You've taken enough my money. It's been fun - I'm done though.
The thing is, you're not the only CD shop in town. Reckless has taken the torch - the staff at Reckless are infinitely cooler than me, yet they'd never acknowledge it- perhaps because they're too busy doing what appears to be work, rather than staring customers down.
They also know an insane amount about music, plus I'll bet if I gave a random IQ test to any employee (or customer, no offense to the nu-metal crowd you cater to), easily 90% would break triple digits. I'm not sure that percentage of your staff would hit double digits.
If you haven't been to Stones in years, please do yourself a favor - don't even think of returning, just keep your fond memories of that great place in Norridge and let it go.
I'll never forget the good times, and believe it or not I still love you. When you get your act together, give me a call.
Chris read more