Choose Your Own Penang Adventure:
1. Enter restaurant. You can do so with your entire party ready or tell your waiter that the rest of your group will be joining you. If you have your entire party with you from the getgo, please skip to number "6".
2. Waiter will ask you no less than five times in three minutes if you want to just start eating and have the rest of your party catch up. He may, as a means to a hint, keep picking up the untouched menus from the end of your table and pretend like he is going to take them away from you forever. If you don't feel like waiting for your party and think the waiter has a point (e.g., "I'm starving and the normal three minute turnaround time for food in this area is not good enough to satisfy my rumbling stomach and I need to eat NOWNOWNOW"), OR you have already memorized the menu and have known what you want since 4:30 p.m. last Tuesday, please skip to number "5".
3. Since you are waiting but not ordering for yourselves, the waiter may get slightly agitated if you, at the very least, do not order some sort of beverage besides water. If you prefer not to rock the boat, and browse the beer, wine and specialty juice list and find something you like, please skip to number "5".
4. Oh, silly customer! Don't agitate the waiters at Penang! They don't have time for your silly crap. They are used to serving excellent, interesting food in a very high quality, yet fast-paced manner, and you're totally disrupting their chi. You're sitting around waiting for your buddies to finally show up and you can't order, at the very least, a glass of white wine? How about one of the delicious appetizers?
5. You make do with the limited beverage list and browse the appetizers. Many members of the waitstaff hear you and your party giggling about the 'crispy pork intestines' on the menu. And take that surprised look off of your face -- yes, you're reading the menu right, there are chicken feet and you can have 'em in a hot pot, or fried, or in a bevy of ways. The fine print says, "ask server for advice before ordering." Adventurous people, please skip to number "8".
6. You place your order, making sure to include in it some really great choices such as the seafood, egg, and vegetable chow fun hot pot with brown sauce, mango chicken, sweet and sour shrimp, dried curry lobster, etc.
7. In no time at all, your food is brought to you in the order it was cooked and ready. You may feel like you're being rushed, but that is not the case. If you're the last one to get your food and your party has already started eating, and you want to go to the restroom because you are bored, skip to number "9".
8. You totally love your chicken feet with chinese mushrooms: skip to "10". You think that you went in a little over your head and next time should stick to ginger duck noodles... as your stomach is now feeling really weird and you're getting a bit lightheaded....
9. Wow, these restrooms are really something to see! You take your time because you can't help but, given the circumstances!
10. Soon, you and your entire party is stuffed and full and everyone looks defeated; the portions are huge and you're wondering if you can possibly ever be able to eat food again. If you can't resist the dessert menu anyway - skip to "12".
11. You ask for the check and the waiter is truly surprised. No dessert? You must be in the wrong place! How can you not want bubor chacha (sweet potato with coconut milk) or some fried ice cream? Tempting, but you are so stuffed you might burst - skip to "13".
12. You know that saying no to dessert, even after your Malaysian food adventures have rendered you unable to walk straight, is just a silly idea. You realize that pulut hitam (creamy black rice with coconut) is the long lost dessert lover that you'd been seeking your entire life, and immediately cannot remember a time when you two were ever apart.
13. You pay and saunter out of the restaurant, and as you stumble down the street you realize that you never did know where Centerfolds was, and - kapow! boom! zap! - there it is. Right around the corner. You look at Empire Garden across the way from you and remember a time when you thought *that* was the toast of the town. You're thrilled that you have since found many superior places, such as Penang, that trump Empire and their likeminded counterparts with their adventurous cuisine and affordable price tag. Sure, you can go with the basics. But why bother? Penang may not always be the easiest route to take, but you'll *always* have an adventure! read more