Ever notice when you get crappy service, they always say "We DO apologize."? They don't say "we're sorry for providing you with crappy service" or "we're sorry that our company sucks." They don't even just say "We apologize." It's always "We DO apologize", as if emphasizing the affirmative "DO" somehow makes it all better. Anyway, the entire family boards an early morning JetBlue flight to the Caribbean for a much-anticipated family vacation. Only the trip gets off to a rocky start because the ground crew can't figure out how to pump water onto the airplane for the bathrooms. They DID apologize for this, though, and assured us that they were working on it. After about a half hour they get back on the PA system with an important update. The cold weather might have frozen something, and they've now cleverly decided to wrap the hose with electrical tape, which will hopefully heat things up and get the water running. Electrical tape, huh? I don't know about you all, but I really don't remember the last time electrical tape doubled as a heating element. Anwyay, an hour in and the shitters are finally loaded up, and we push back form gates. Cleared for takeoff. About 45 minutes into the flight the plane makes a series of maneuvers, which seemed a little odd, but probably just normal navigation around air traffic. Nothing to worry about. But then the pilot gets on the horn and says "Well folks, from the flight deck, you may have notice that we've turned around and are heading back to Boston. It turns out that, uh, during takeoff, a ceiling tile fell off, and while trying to reattach it, one of the flight attendants dropped it on her head, so we need to return and get the paramedics on board." My lord. Sounds serious. Of course, we all look up at the ceiling panels, which just look like cheap pieces of gray plastic. But it sounds like the injury must have somehow been grave if we need the paramedics. We land 45 minutes later and we're all expecting the cabin doors to fly open with a group of paramedics rushing on to the plane and save this poor woman. After about 10 minutes they open the cabin door, and a single paramedic calmly walks on. No rush. He looks at the flight attendant that had been standing in the front of the plane casually chatting with the other flight attendant for the entire last 45 minutes. (Wait, THAT'S the injured flight attendant?) She points to her forehead, where there is zero evidence of injury. No bump, no mark, no evidence of blood from the apparently near-deadly blow she suffered. He nods at her, turns around, and walks off the plane as calmly as he walked on. The flight attendant follows behind him, on her way to start her newfound day off work, probably headed home to file a worker's comp claim and call Morgan and Morgan to get that lawsuit going against her employer for a workplace injury that will no doubt settle for enough money to extend her new vacation day through the end of the year and beyond. I mean, how can she realistically be expected to work after dropping a piece of plastic on her own head? After an extensive bout of paperwork and discussions amongst the crew, we're ready to go. Hold your horses. We have another announcement, folks. It turns out that enough time has now passed that they need two new pilots to join us on the flight so that they can fly the plane back later in the day. So another hour and half passes waiting for these pilots and a "supervisor" shows up and gets on the mic. Based on the importance with which she carried herself, this is a woman that had clearly climbed her way to the very pinnacle of the administrative organization of Terminal C Gates 30-34. And sure enough, she DOES apologize for the inconvenience, and as a token of her appreciation for our patience, she's sending each and every one of us a $150 voucher good toward future travel on a JetBlue flight. Some guy in the back starts clapping and yells out "Thank you! Thank you!" I mean, we'd all just hit the jackpot in this guy's mind. Hey - Einstein - you just dropped $20,000 on this trip and you're thanking this lady for giving you $150 for now wasting the entire first day of your trip? About 6 hours in, and we're finally flying again. Did I mention that this piece-of-s*** airplane has no wi-fi, no electrical outlets, and all the TV's just stare back at you with the good old "Searching for signal" message? You know it well. But don't worry, it's all good. They DO apologize, and they're going to try to reset the system, which should only take about 15 minutes. (Remind me again why turning a TV off and then on again takes 15 minutes?) At this point everybody's device batteries are dead and we're settling in to stare at the "searching for signal" message for the next 4 hours.
JetBlue. They DO apologize. read more