Really looking forward to the day that Salami Mammi opens and beats every "Italian" sandwich shop…read morein this town into a bloody pulp.
Monkey's has apparently been around a while and does enough of the basic things right that a friend thought it would be a good idea if I went over and gave it a shot. Since my family moved out here from back east, and I followed a few years later, I've been horrified by what passes as a sub in Oregon and infuriated by the places that put out Italian flag colors, say they have "Italian" subs, then hand you something on leftover pizza crust with unshredded lettuce, mayo, mustard, and turkey that you aren't supposed to question or curse at them about (you know who you are).
Monkey's faceplants into this trap by saying they do things "old school." As I've learned out here, if something dates back to the '90s and was here when the mall was an airport and the current staff's homes were farmland, it's "old school." In Monkey's case, "old school" dates ALL THE WAY back to 2000 and, for some reason, involves adding mayo and mustard to subs when oil and vinegar already exists on them.
Hey buddy, let me clue you in since nobody's been kind enough to tell you for 26 years: The oil and vinegar are already doing the job that you think the mayo's doing. If Jessup McOveralls comes in and tells you your really decent sub rolls are "too dry" without mayo, it means you aren't adding enough oil and vinegar to the equation. Those condiments should not only serve as dressing for the (shredded) lettuce and (sliced) onions and tomatoes, but should soften up the bread a bit and enhance the flavor of the entire sandwich--especially when blessed with a bit of oregano.
Monkeys not only blows through that fairly basic recipe, but commits sacrilege aginst its ham, cotto, and provolone by burdening them with mortadella (Italy's answer to bologna) and CHEDDAR cheese. What, did this "Italian" sub make a side trip to Dublin or Wisconsin? Who the hell puts cheddar on an Italian sub and deems that an appropriate use of everyone's time?
And because it's Lesser Beaverton (Aloha), there just has to be a version of this "Italian" sandwich that throws turkey and roast beef into the equation. At least we found some use for that mayo/mustard combo.
The "old school" subs dispense with the cheese and slather the mayo and mustard on some combination of ham, salami, and pepperoni. Beyond that, the menu is replete with bacon, turkey, tuna, roast beef, french dip and a bunch of other nods to some of the worst sandwich chains this nation has shoved toward Middle America.
I give the place two extra stars for the bread and the staff who was pleasant enough (even if they blew through my "no mayo or mustard" request), but Monkey's can leave the "East Coast touch" out of its motto. These are West Coast subs that went though a Midwest wringer, and whoever is comparing them to Jersey Mike's needs to realize that Covid likely knocked out whatever sense of taste or texture they once had.