Look, I ain't gonna lie, I have some issues!!!
FIRST, please don't be offended if I won't take a sip of your drink or eat off your plate at a yelp event. As a matter of fact, if you ask me for a sip of my drink and I let you have some... don't be surprised if I tell you to keep it. Sure, I'm gonna play it off like I was done drinking it, but the moment your saliva hits my drink, it ain't going back in my mouth!
SECOND, if you have serious body odor and hug me, please don't be offended if I bust out Clorox wipes and start cleaning myself. It's not you, it's me!
THIRD, if you are a restaurant employee and I see you leave a restroom without washing your hands... you might as well comp my bill and throw away my food! Or if I see you wipe several tables and seats with the same rag without rinsing it in nice soapy disinfectant-filled hot water, you can just burn my table with a flamethrower and get me a new one!
LASTLY, if you run a water park that has more skin surface area than water... just plan on refunding me my admission right now! I LOVE HURRICANE HARBOR, but not on days like today when there were so many people in the water I was tempted to call infectious disease control for an emergency inspection.
Seriously, you got all kinds of people walking around here that don't look like they value personal hygiene (some with open sores) and you want ME to bathe in this water and trust the chemicals are doing their job? NOT!!! Days like this I wouldn't get in the water fully clothed with a waterproof HAZMAT suit. So Six Flags, I'm gonna need you to start limiting how many people can come into this area at one time or I'm gonna be force to take another star off!
That is all.
SIDE NOTE - My wife doesn't appreciate my dousing her with antibacterial gel when coming out of the water with the kids and surrounding them with crime tape as the gel dries... but a man has got to do what a man has got to do! So I'mma need those capacity restrictions soon OR I need a water area built for germ-a-phobes only. I'd be happy to train your staff how to do a walking diagnosis for potential violators. I can spot nasty people a mile way!
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