So I'm back from my self-imposed, two-week Yelp exile: aka, Eurotrip! Now unfortunately, Yelp has yet to extend its reach into continental Europe, so I'll just have to stock up on those mental reviews. Fortunately, Yelp DOES have a London site (where you can find awesome words like "neighbourhood" and "postcode"), which leaves me a proper avenue to vent my inordinate anger at an airline called easyJet.
The frustration with easyJet can be summed up in their catchphrase: "if you're late, we won't wait." Or put eloquently in our words, "If you're late, you're F'ed in the A."
Our story begins here. Due to the volcano-that-shall-not-be-named, our flight on soon-to-be-defunct Continental from Houston to Paris was delayed 7 hours. Which was fine, travel sh*t happens. What was not so fine was that we had an immediate connecting flight from Paris to Milan on said airline easyJet. Which, thanks to the volcano, we would miss. By about 2-3 hours. Which again was fine, as we had plenty of time to sit in IAH and reconfigure our travel plans. Except, get this, it's dang near impossible to reach easyJet BY PHONE. In fact, they don't even publish a phone number on their website. After finding one through a chat forum, we figure out their phone lines are open only during normal business hours, which means we had no way of contacting them to discuss our already known situation. Many hours later, we finally reach Paris. We high-tail it to easyJet's clusterflux of a departure area and waited in four different lines, only to be told that, since we were late, we were--that's right--F'ed in the A. Here's the play-by-play. Line 1 was for check-in's only--wrong line, sorry. Line 2 told us to go wait in the ticket booking line. Line 3, the ticket booking line, decided to close at FOUR THIRTY in the afternoon. Line 4 finally told us that since we were more than two hours late for our flight that we were--that's right!--F'ed in the A!! Too bad, so sad, now move out of the way so we can "help" the people behind you. Conclusion to the story: we ended up renting a car and driving 12 hours overnight from Paris to Milan.
Now unfortunately, our reliance on easyJet didn't end there, as we had three more flights to go with them. easyJet fancies itself as the "Southwest Airlines" of Europe, but they aren't even close. Briefly, the ridiculousness of easyJet.
- You have to buy baggage, with a max of 20 kg. Each kilogram over 20 is TWELVE (12!) euro per kg. Let's just say we had fun reshuffling clothes around.
- In an effort to save costs, they park their departure area at the farthest end of any airport. So yeah, they were in terminal 3 in Barcelona (the ONLY airline in that terminal), which requires you to go to terminal 2 and walk OUTSIDE to get there.
- Check-in opens exactly two hours before departure, and closes exactly forty minutes before departure. That's a one hour, twenty minute window. Otherwise, you're--you guessed it--F'ed in the A. Which actually happened to a group that got to the airport like 5 minutes after that window.
- You can pay extra for this thing called speedy boarding, which lets you go to a "shorter" (umm, not really) line for check-in and gives you a "1" priority (think Business Select for Southwest) instead of a "2" priority to board.
- Yeah, that means EVERYONE else lines up in the "2" line. Since NO ONE buys a "1" priority, that means there's a gigantic snake line at the gate. Brilliant.
- To further cut costs, they didn't even park the airplane at the gate. Instead, you're put on a bus which shuttles you to the plane. The bus doors open, and you get to take off in a sprint for the stairs to the plane doors. So yeah, that priority boarding? Doesn't work out so well.
- But before that happens, they start scanning boarding passes as the arrivees are getting off the plane. So you're stuck in that tunnel chute thing, sans A/C, for like 15 minutes.
- All food and drinks are pay to get only. But they have like 3 varieties of everything, including sandwiches and pizzas, so the extra weight of stocking everything still costs fuel. I'm guessing that fuel surcharge makes its way down to the customer.
On the flipside, easyJet does have one of the newest fleets in the air, their cabin crew is extremely friendly, and the ticket prices are generally a lot cheaper than the major carriers. So they've got that going for them, which is nice. read more