This place holds a special place in my heart. Great location, vibes, beer and staff. The indoor and outdoor patio are both great places to plop down and sip beer with friends or that particular someone.
If you have ten minutes, I'll tell you why this place will forever be special to me. Buckle up kids.
Imagine 20 something me, single, doing the online dating game and feeling insecure since seemingly one in a hundred messages sent out get responded to. One fateful morning I come across a profile of the most beautiful and ostensibly compatible woman to me in all of Tucson. I message her. Crickets.
One month later I'm waking up from another crappy night of sleep and what do I see? None other than this girl of my dreams response to my message. I'm floored. I feel like I'm on cloud nine. I play it cool and ask her if she'd like to grab a beer and color in some coloring books. She obliges.
Now this date is important. I do not want to screw this up. Choosing a location says something about who I am--what I represent. After careful consideration, I decide Crooked Tooth is the right choice. It says I like hanging out downtown, that I'm into casual hangout places, that I'm a beer drinker, that I'm hip to the coolness--or at least try to be.
I arrive before her. I order a beer immediately because I need to calm my nerves. As they serve me my beer she walks up to the bar right next to me. I tell you what, she's more beautiful in person than in her pictures. Not sure how that's possible, but that was the reality. Inside I'm saying, "Man, just be yourself. You got this." But of course, I'm giddy and nervous.
We go to sit outside. I have a couple IPA's--you know, because I'm hip and all--and she has a pale ale, I believe. We color for a couple of hours and have easy-flowing conversation. We have a lot in common. We like the same music, she drinks, she smokes the devil's lettuce, she's smart, she has a master's degree, and by the way did I mention she's an absolute dime?
She asks me, so you want to smoke? I'll let you know now, this girl could have asked if I would like to jump in front of a bus with her and I'd probably say yes. I'm vibing.
We go out to her car. Light up. She takes a few hits then passes me the smoking implement. I take one hit. Next thing I know my world starts spinning. Now I'm no lightweight. I can handle my substances, but this is like nothing I've ever felt before. She notices I'm looking strange. Asks me if I'm alright. I felt like I was on an upsidown merry-go-round.
Not more than 15 seconds after taking that hit I open her car door and puke my brains out. I can barely stand up. I sit down on the curb near her car and continue to vomit for about three to four minutes. Boys and girls let me tell you, I was WRECKED.
She rubs my back. I'm so out of it. I do not know what's going on. I'm literally so nauseous that I don't even fully fathom how bad I'm screwing this date up. After about 10 more minutes of this, I stop puking and she asks me if it would be wise for us to put something in my stomach. I agree that seems like a good idea.
We head to Welcome Diner. We sit down. Within two minutes of sitting down I run to the bathroom to puke again. I get back to the seat and I'm the shell of the person I once was. I'm basically silent, pale faced, generally miserable and this woman is watching this catastrophe happen before her eyes. I think I ate about 7 fries.
It probably goes without saying, but I had to leave my car at Crooked Tooth and she drove me home. Even on the ride home, I laid the passenger seat all the way back to comfort my ailing body. She drops my semi-lifeless carcass at my house. I fumble inside and go to bed dizzy and ashamed. I screwed up one of the best opportunities this life has afforded me.
I wake up the next morning in one of the sorriest states I've ever been in. "What the hell happened? How did I get so messed up? She probably thinks I get blacked out drunk off two beers!?" And then it hits me. I had a stomach bug a week ago and had to take this antibiotic named flagyl. I stopped taking it two days before we went out though, so that couldn't be it.
I text my doctor friend saying what happened and ask her if it could be related to the flagyl. She tells me you shouldn't drink while on flagyl and three days after you stop using it because it STAYS IN YOUR SYSTEM! Eureka!
I text my date about the sherlock holmes investigation I just concluded to prove to her that I'm not a two-hitter-quitter and that I can hang. I'm honestly holding onto a thread of hope at this point.
Like a true George Costanza, I realize I left my coloring books and pencils in her car, so she has to return them to me and see me again. Boom. Opportunity to see her one more time and try to redeem myself.
She comes over to deliver the coloring books and pencils. I invite her inside and she comes in. 5 years later we bought a house together and got a dog. This girl is mine. read more