Initially I logged onto Yelp to write a review of the river, but since I could not remember the name of the river nor could I find a place to leave a review for it (there is an outside chance that I dreamt this river and it doesn't exist), I settled for Best Buy. Once I was told I could meet the woman of my dreams here, but as it would happen, I arrived half an hour before closing and there wasn't a female in sight. Alas, not to be discouraged, I opted to nonchalantly purchase something frivolous, hedonistically speaking. A candid, jolly salesman (I believe his name to have been Tariff, as in the acclaimed spokesman Tariff Whale of the short-lived 1964 United Vole Activists for Equality Movement) guided me towards an aisle. There, I found Perfect Practice Golf Laser Putting Glasses, and I considered my venture complete.
Sidenote: My phone started ringing while in store, and it was a call from a former student of mine, asking desperately if I still had copies of her exams from 2018. I did not, so I told her "Make your night better and unwind to the sweet sounds of, oh, I don't know, Banarama?" She nodded and hung up.
I purchased my item, grateful that the store's alleged "code of conduct" they brag so highly about did not restrict or otherwise say no-no to the very mere prospect of me ingesting a full solid 8-oz container of egg nogg in the headphone department. Other Best Buys are less tolerant, much to my disdainful dismay that leaves my mind in a state of disarray.
I drove off on my moped, broadening my musical horizons to the even sweeter sounds of Latoya Jackson. I consider my acquisition of this very most moreover truest set of eyeware to be putting me just one step closer towards winning her over as my soulmate woman.
Best Buy Auburn, you were a good experience. Something was mildly lacking, and I cannot put a finger onto what that was, so four stars it shall be.
Attached is an illustration of what I seem to recall Tariff looking like, if it is of any use when awarding the end-of-month Commendation Points at the ceremony. Courtesy of Google, I compiled the references that seemed accurately beneficial, but when it fell short, I filled in the rest with my unflappable artistic prowess.
-Dr. Marris Dare read more