Dear Chris (owner of Handmade Burger Co),…read more
Ancient proverbs tell us that it is a brave man who puts his personal email address and phone number on every table in his restaurant. It is an even braver man who does it when the restaurant isn't very good.
I've always been a firm believer in keeping things simple. Seat me, take my order, bring me a goddamn delicious burger, et voila - you have a happy customer. What I don't want is to get up from my table, cross the restaurant and stand in a queue to place my order. Where did you come up with that idea? Is it really more efficient than getting your more than capable staff to just do table service? I mean, really, it's a gimmick and I hate it.
Your menu is vast, and as a veggie i'm not used to being given such choice, so I salute you for that. That doesn't, however, absolve you of your sins. Most burgers are £8/£9 and, of course, don't come with chips, which set me back another £3.50. £2.35 extra got me three small dipping sauces, and you threw in a "side" of one gherkin cut into slices for another £1.65. Oh, and when I ordered a £2.70 diet coke the smiley man behind the till handed me an empty glass and told me that the self-service machine was just "over there".
The point i'm trying to make, Chris, is that this is nonsense. Why should I memorise my entire table's order, get out of my seat and stand for 10 minutes behind four other diners when you have a restaurant full of perfectly good staff? Is it because I should be delighted and in awe at you're persistent reminders that every burger is made fresh and by hand? Because that really is the least I expect for an £8 burger. What next? Am I mean't to be applauding you because you don't water down the coke?
To be fair, the burger was quite nice. More than quite nice, it was good. But you know there's something wrong when you're sat in a gourmet burger restaurant and you can see two more through the window. I love Glasgow city centre, and I think that it deserves better than yet another gimmicky burger restaurant which charges crazy amounts for very average food. And that's what you are, Chris - very average.
I'm sorry.
It's not you, it's me.
I just don't think we're right for each other.
I deserve better,
Hannah (hater of nonsense)