Batch. Holy moly. It happened, again. I am in a sugar infused drunken state, and handing out stars like a marathon spectator hands out water (I've seen it on TV, like I'd ever participate or even watch a marathon, ha). So, 5 stars. I mean, how can a donut be less than five stars. Have I ever told you the story about the worst donut I have ever had?? Well, It was delicious.
If you follow my yelps then you clearly know of the Kon Tiki incident of 2016. You also know very well that I prefer my calories in solid form over liquid form. Well, my monstrous hunger for donuts, and the fact that my Sunday OEA (over eaters anonymous) meeting was being held at the TCC (we need a large meeting room ), it made perfect sense for today to be my first visit to this new oddly paired concept. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, loved it so much; but, I would recommend a name change. Maybe call it Diabetes, or Gastric Bi-Pass. I mean, I'm going to have one and need one after all the donuts I plan on eating here over the next decade! But, what the heck do I know, I'm just a fat kid who loves donuts.
So I came at a perfect time, it wasn't crazy busy or empty, so I knew I could get my fix quickly. I sloth my way to the ordering counter and passionately order what seems to be a specialty of theirs, the bacon bourbon donut. Obviously I paired it with 11 of its siblings, a variety of what seem to be a General Mills sponsored line up. Fruity Pebbles, Coco Crispies, and all the other usual suspects I remember and love from my childhood breakfasts (yeah, mom loved me). Frantically trying to make the final decisions on my order, I ordered what I thought was oddly labeled as a Boozy Cereal. My plan was to eat a donut, or four, at Batch, and figured why not a quick bowl of fruity pebbles as well. I would then take the other 8 donuts I purchased home for for consumption over the next week, and by week I mean they'll be gone by midnight.
So the donuts went down smooth in 2 minutes, and then it was fruity pebbles time. I let them soak for the couple minutes because there is nothing better than soggy cereal thus sugar infused milk. And there it was again, the fermentation I had experienced at Kon Tiki. But alas, it couldn't happen twice, no way, just no way. So I chomped away, using the two spoon double fisting method enabling me to literally shovel it inside my cheeks. Upon completion I used a boba straw (yes, I carry my own boba straw for those "darn I wish I had a big straw" moments that life tosses at you) to devour the milk, which was now as sweet and colorful as the guy who played Sulu (seriously, I fricken love Star Trek).
As I stood up, grabbed my box of "later tonight" donuts, and made my way to the street, it suddenly hit me... That cereal must have had Lunchbox in it. I was drunk. I knew that I needed an hour to sober up before I could drive away and head home, so I walked across the street to grab a water at a place conveniently named H2O (stay tuned for that review).....
Finally, 90 minutes after my cereal, I got in my car and made my way home. The only regret I have stemming from Batch is I didn't bring home an extra dozen, for a rainy day. And, by rainy day I meant later tonight after I finish the 8 that I had already taken home.
Five stars.
PS - rumor going around that some Jamie guys wants me to write for their page. Tell him that if he thinks he can get me to write for him then he better be prepared to pay me in daily donuts. And an occasional Lunchbox.
I need a nap. read more