First off I'd like to caveat this review with the fact that 3 stars is the highest possible rating I'll ever give a corporate food chain.
Overall this Arby's is pretty typical of most except it is what I'd call a high traffic location due to it being in a Love's truck stop. The dining area is always filthy, but stepping on stale, crunchy, curly fries that haven't been swept up since 1998 & then covering up the dried up Arbys sauce and unidentified sticky processed cheese substance on the table with your tray just adds to the truck stop ambiance.
The reason I came here was for the orange creamsicle shake, this powerful little 20oz gem landed me in the United Rentals bathroom located directly across Highway 67 from Arbys with a reenactment from the Dumb&Dumber toilet scene. While this was technically not an OSHA reportable incident, management ended up requiring the United Rentals mechanics to evacuate the shop & open all the maintenance bay doors out of safety concerns that my body may or may not have turned that tasty orange Picasso of a shake into some sort of flammable toxic gas.
I thought I had learned my lesson, but was wrong so very wrong.... Several months later Arbys then came out with the Andes mint shakes, my will power to resist had faded faster than Beto at a job fair. Reluctantly, I ordered one of the light colored green masterpieces and popped the lid off. I felt a bit dirty as I sniffed it like Joe does every small child that comes within 20feet him and proceeded to devour it like Whoopi on a family size 5gal bucket of cheesy poofs. This time however, I would not be so lucky with indoor plumbing and air conditioning.
Instead I had to speed waddle kicking up a dust trail with cheeks clenched like a bench vice to a jobsite porta John in the sweltering Texas heat. Just 6hrs after the point of entry into my system I once again found myself sprayin' mud like a howitzer firing battery, yeeting minty napalm nuggets & burning fecal projectiles into the jungles of Nam.
I broke out into a sweat and began singing fortunate son as perspiration dripped off my hard hat to the floor in this 130° blue water filled turd punch bowl. I considered fabricating some dirt bike hand grips off the side as to steady myself and not risk further injury but then realized my oring was blown out and insides were most likely damaged gear anyway so what did it really matter at this point. Then reality throat punched me as I peered through my sweat burning eyes and fumes realizing the toilet paper holder was completely empty.
I quickly deployed a leatherman, improvised and stumbled back to my field service truck minus a few shirt sleeves, completely dehydrated, but felt the cool breeze of 95° as I contemplated how I continue to make such poor decisions for lunch.
Would I go there again? Don't really want to, but yeah 6 outta 10 would eat here again if those shake dealers come out with another amazing flavor.
-The Belligerent Gunny read more
