Hi, I'm Ricky from Sunnyvale Trailer Park and I'm here to review this...fashion...store-y thing…read more
You might think my girlfriend Lucy put me up to this, or that I lost a bet to Julian, but actually, I need to work on my writing so I can get my Grade 10. I've been writing Whelp reviews for about six months now, so I think I'm gonna pass this test with flyin' friggin' carpets!
Are you looking like a Hobolo or a Hill-a-billy? Do you need a new suit, dress, skirt, blazer, or pair of slacks so you can look as dapper as Bernie Sanford? Are you interviewing for a good-paying job like Temporary Relief Assistant Trailer Park Supervisor? Well, you've found the perfect place! You might've passed by this store hundreds of times on your way to King of Donair and never given it a second thought. Well, sometimes you gotta learn stuff through denial and error. This store has everything you need for a dressy occasion like a Cheeseburger Picnic or a stag party - until it gets all frigged up and you wake up to your friends stealing bananas and hot dogs for your wedding reception, friggin' idiots.
Which brings me to my next point. I almost got married in a suit from here, till Randy and Lahey broke up my friggin' wedding! It's like, Jesus Christ, I'm tryin' to get friggin' married here! But I guess it's all water under the fridge now. Lucy loves me - and I love her.
Anyway, I don't know much about shopping or fashion, but I used to date this chick Sarah, and she always looks wicked good. She got this tight polka dot dress here for three dollars. Jackpop! What a deal! I remember she wore it when I took her out for sweet 'n power chicken (best way to romance a woman), and it looked hot as hell on her! Really brought out her eyes and hair curlers.
So Sarah and my girlfriend Lucy are best friends. They're constantly in here shopping the clearance rack, which is ok cuz this place is wicked cheap. Lucy got me my three favorite shirts from here. One has a kick-ass eagle on it, one looks like a newspaper clippy thing, and the other has this sweet pattern - houndsbreath or wolfjaw or whatever it's called. Only thirty bucks in bottle money. Now this place may not always have what you're lookin' for, but worst-case Ontario, you swallow your prize and try again next time. It's supply and command and survival of the fitness, boys.
I brought the whole crew here so they could get new outfits for the Cheeseburger Picnic. Now I don't care about that greasy, no-shirt-wearin' Randy OR his picnic, but I had to make it up to everybody after eating nine cans of ravioli, kidnapping Alex Lifeson from Rush, and lighting Bubbles' shed on fire. (The flames were golfing, just golfing everywhere! There was nothin' I could do). Anyway, it was the funnest time I've had shopping since we scored a model rocket and played space out in the middle of the street! But not as fun as when I got on the intercom and paged Randy and Lahey to the Frig Off Department.
We had a friggin' awesome time, even though Sarah made me bring the two biggest Frig Giraffes in the Dumb-Dumb Salad. We all know Sarah has a thing for Cory and Trevor. She bought Cory three new hats and got Trevor two new pairs of pants to make up for the ones I ripped. I couldn't stand watching them follow her around the store like dogs, so I mostly helped Lucy pick out clothes that show off her new cans. She tried on this sparkly vesty thing that nearly made my heart attack! There's also a Men's Big & Tall section here, so that Mustard Tiger "Philadelphia" Collins FINALLY has a shirt that covers his gut. Bubbles scored a couple new cowboy shirts, and Julian even found an Easter hat for Mrs. Peterson. (They were about to kick him out cuz of his rum 'n coke, but he convinced them that he NEVER spills his drink). And Lucy didn't notice, but I got her a nice Zirwoski crystal bracelet - way better than those cubic zarcarbian things! Hopefully now she'll be in the mood and we'll bang behind the muffler shop.
This store's not the newest or the shiniest, so some people might get a pessimistic view of the merchandise. But I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optometrist. And I lived in a car for ten years living off of hot dogs and chicken fingers. Give the place a try and you'll probably find something you like. And hey, if the clothes aren't your style, more for me! After all, one man's garbage is another man person's good ungarbage. It doesn't take rocket appliances to see that K&G Fashion Superstore is friggin' WICKED! If your friends don't believe you, bring 'em in so you can say "Atodaso! Ah-friggin' atodaso!"
~For real though, this place truly is awesome. Affordable and great variety for the whole family. This review is all in good fun, but my pics have (mostly) serious commentary. Nam sayin'?
All in all, this store rocks. As J-Roc would say, "It's tight, cheap, and dope. I'm out."