I don't keep any secrets about my wonder that the USPS is still in business. The USPS business is guaranteed by the US Government and seemingly, the USPS, which is technically not a Government office, has no motivation to do better in service or the business model.
It shows here more than in most post offices I've been to and that's really unfortunate. This is "my" post office - that is, any packages or letters that can't be delivered to my home come here and I HAVE to come here to get them out of this post office prison.
The exterior of the building is pleasant in a not foreboding kind of way and only hints at the abysmal service you'll receive inside. The parking lot is poorly maintained and has one way in and one way out. Most traffic will have to pass the out to get to the in - makes perfect USPSense.
The lobby is fronted with a glass door and floor to ceiling windows, as if to remind you that if you can just get through this ghastly task, you can breathe a sigh of relief and rejoin humanity - because this place is lacking such a thing by all apparent evidence.
The "lobby" is probably only cleaned on national holidays.
The wall that greets you offers mail drops. MAIL people, don't bring packages because this place doesn't accept them. There are no supplies here so you'd better have come prepared. They don't sell postage either. Because that would make normal sense. There is a small counter you can use to round up that last minute paperwork. No pens though (as if I needed to note that). There are a couple trash bins though.
There's a grey door to your right that says "Private". It has a peephole in it from which the staff likely gather and mock you like a drunken crowd at a dog fight. You're the dog.
In front of you is The Blue Door.
Muster all your might and courage, maybe do a couple deep knee bends, some push-ups, and down that protein drink or bar - you're going to need strength and energy for this part. A good alternative option is bourbon.
Read all the warnings on the door. You DO NOT want to make the people on the other side of that door angry. You'll be losing all the good mail and be guaranteed double junk mail until the day you pass from this world.
Ring the bell (For all that's holy, just do this "once!". This is written clearly in more than one handwritten note pasted to and fro - absolutely no reason to screw this part up people). Wait. Wait some more. Wait as long as it takes for them to open the little door half from which they'll barely interact with you.
This is probably a psychological game of will which they've perfected to test your ability to follow their instructions. You'll be tempted to ring that bell again. Don't do it. Just turn around, look at the beauty that awaits you on the other side of that glass and think about what you'd have to do to rid yourself of double the Bed Bath and Beyond, window replacement, and grocery store flyers.
Use this free time to practice what you'll say. You don't want any missteps here. The conversation can devolve fast. If they finally come to the door. Smile, say hi, a "thank you for helping me", or "well, look at you, all [pretty/handsome] in blue" will go a long way. Clearly and quickly tell them what you need (while smiling). They may ask a couple clarifying questions like: "what?", or "repeat that, I wasn't listening", or maybe "what's your address?". That last one is a popular one - even if they happen to be holding your driver's license, mail, or registered mail receipt they completed and left at your door. What ever you do, just give them what they want. This is not the time to be a hero.
While nothing will make this experience a pleasant one, hopefully this will prepare you and give you a few helpful tools so you can cross that glass line into the hug of humanity that awaits your departure from this void of civility. read more