Lovestruck by Cybertruck
By DeLon Brusk
"Where do you go when you hit rock bottom?"
That's what I was pondering as I stared at the empty glass that once housed a negroni.
"Another one?" Asked the attentive bartender
"Keep 'em coming" I replied.
"OK, but you shouldn't really drink on an empty stomach, have you tried our pita bread with the monkfish hummus?"
"Just get me another drink"
Of course I tried the hummus here. Many times. It's a revelation. In fact, I tried everything on the menu at Theodora--the cozy latest restaurant from chef Tomer Blechman on 7 Greene Ave, conveniently located by the Lafayette Ave subway.
No, that night my mind was not on savory Mediterranean delights, but on heartbreak--and it seemed like no amount of perfectly crafted cocktails could erase the memory of Sarah.
Sarah was my college sweetheart. We met at University of Phoenix online and it was love at first sight. We were living our dream of dressing like Bert and Ernie, posing for pictures with tourists in Times Square. I was so in love, I asked her to marry me and she said yes.
Everything was going so great---I had a great job, an affordable apartment, flavorful small plates at Theodora---but best of all, I was engaged to the Bert to my Ernie.
But it all came crashing down last week.
I opened the door to find the ring left on the felt off-brand muppet head.
There was now a hole in me, and no amount of "whole bone-in branzino" can fill that. (Although it was fun to try)
I was on my second Nammu Nammu, waiting for my order of Octopus with smoked shallots, butternut squash and salmoriglio when I saw...her.
She had the beauty of brutalist architecture and the allure of the Mars rover. She glided down the Brooklyn street with the grace of a world class figure skater.
"Sir? Sir?" The waitress snapped me out of my trance, standing there holding a plate of Swordfish Belly Skewer.
My mouth was dry, my skin felt electric. I didn't know I could ever feel this way again.
"Wh-who...who is THAT?"
"....I don't know sir, I didn't see who was driving. Can I put this plate down? It's very hot"
"No, THAT" I pointed to the gunmetal colored vision
"....the cybertruck?" The waitress gave me a quizzical look.
Cyber. Truck. So elegant, yet succinct. It was like a haiku.
I was compelled to follow my four wheeled muse. I paid my tab and hurried out the restaurant--jostling several patrons on the way.
I opened the door, the crisp night air caressing my face, beckoning me to find her---but where could she be?
I turned a corner, and there she was--- as if she was waiting for me. She was as beautiful as Helen of Troy---although I guess she was more like the Trojan horse. But hot.
I reached out and touched the cool, stainless steel.
***DETECTING A BROKEN HEART****
What? Did---did she just talk? How could this be? I must've had one too many artisanal cocktails....or maybe it was something I ate? No, impossible--everything cooked at Theodora is cooked exquisitely to perfection.
I shook my head in disbelief, I grabbed ahold of myself
"H-hello?"
**HELLO I AM THE CYBERTRUCKS ON-BOARD AI, CYBELLE. I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO ASSIST IN MANY THINGS, INCLUDING MENDING BROKEN HEARTS. DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE**
Call it Kismet, call it fate, call it what you will, but I refuse to believe I met Cybelle through sheer coincidence.
"Yes, Cybelle---I've loved and I lost and I now have an icebox where my heart used to be"
With hardly a sound, the trunk opened as smooth as the whipped ricotta served on sourdough bread at Theodora.
***PLEASE PROCEED TO THE REAR OF THE VEHICLE***
Cybelle commanded. I obeyed.
I moved to the back of my lithium powered lover.
I don't know what came over me but Cybelle brought something out of me that I never thought I would use again.
***DO NOT WORRY I WILL BE GENTLE***
The trunk lowered onto me, trapping my hidden self inside of Cybelle. She held me tight, but there was no need, for I wouldn't have run away.
I cried out in pain at first, but my discomfort was replaced with ecstacy. Me and Cybelle were one. I don't know who was charging who.
Minutes passed---hours? Who could tell? Time lost meaning in that moment
***THAT WAS SO HOT. I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT CATCH ON FIRE. BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY***
"Cybelle...you're amazing" I said, trying to catch my breath. "Let's get dinner sometime, I know just the place!"
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