If I'd just stopped in for a drink or two, we would be fine. My rating would be a three or a four,…read moreand 'have a nice day.' Alas, my catchphrase being "I eat and I know things" means ordering food is a given. That was a mistake, but not as bad as whoever made the decisions behind the Heartbreaker Burger.
Let me start with the good. I started with the M&M shot, a simple yet tasty, and not face-melting combo of mescal and Montenegro. I drink spirits neat, so YMMV, but something I wouldn't mind ordering again. Next, I tried the Vieux Carre: a solidly executed classic with balanced flavors and spirit-forward without going overboard. While the bevvies are not mind-blowing, the prices are low - In the year of our Lord 2026, $12-13 for a cocktail in Chicago is almost unheard of outside of happy hour.
The vibe is old-timey and retro. Loads of wood, exposed brick, and wallpaper that your great aunt probably had. There are a few game-heads on the walls, for I guess great uncle likes to hunt. There is also a piece of art on the walls that, feels almost like it can go in a museum, but not quite. Let's say this: gentlemen, I would advise against brining a date here, lest you be tempted to look a little too long.
Alas, we've now arrived at the abomination that is the, perhaps aptly named, Heartbreaker burger. To start, it was wrapped in foil and tasted through and through as though it's been sitting under a heater for at least an hour. The lettuce within had time to wilt due to the heat, making it go from a positive addition, past neutral, and into negative. The patty missed the mark: In this case, Smasburger applies to the thinness, and not at all to a roasty, crispy, Maillard-y consistency. Between the thin piece of strongly favored meat, and bun a little too large and dense, all other ingredients lost their presence. Further, If felt the burger was so bready, I removed the top bun and turned it into a fork and knife affair. I'm all for burgers getting wider, rather than only so tall one can't open their jaw so far, but not like this.
Hardly worth mentioning are the sides of Tater Tots and Queso. Both weren't heartbreaking, but at the same time, wholly unremarkable. Felt as though I could easily beat these with a quick stop at Aldi.
I've no complaints about the service. Since I came right around opening, it was very quiet. Still, I was well-taken care of, and things came out relatively quickly.
Final verdict: Sweethearts Bar makes inexpensive, solid classic cocktails in a mostly retro vibe. However, the alleged-smashburger left a bad taste in my mouth, literally and figuratively, spoiling the experience.
Would return?: Probably not. There was nothing on the menu that I couldn't easily and cheaply recreate myself.
Would recommend?: Also probably not. If you're looking to catch up with a group in a space without a TV, Sweethearts and its cheap drinks aren't a bad deal. For all other cases, I would not recommend.