We arrived at 2:30 on Saturday, which is the start of Afternoon Tea service. There were people still eating lunch, and a few others came in the door directly behind us for tea. The hostess said that everyone was coming in at once, but that's because that's the start time. She was super nice and took us to a lovely window table for two, left us with menus and said our server would be over when we chosen our type of tea. No one came. Eventually, she came back and asked if anyone had been over. Nope. She took our tea orders, which means just choosing the type of tea you want. Everything else comes as is. She was knowledgeable about the different varieties and we each enjoyed the tea we ordered. But the food: Oddly, as if the chef has never experienced Afternoon Tea, the first course was a small baby greens salad with a pleasant dressing and a little bowl of soup that seemed to be Italian wedding soup, with wee little meatballs. No one explained what it was, but it was tasty. It's just not what we were there for. Next came the traditional three-tiered tower of the tea service. We started on the lowest level with the "savories," the obligatory cucumber sandwich triangle. Love a good cuke sammy. But the bread. Good Lord, the bread. It was as if they went out of their way to air dry it for a few hours. It was stale as desert dust. Thank goodness we had water and tea. The next savory were little quiches. They were fine. Then what might have been thick cubes of cornbread sandwiching the turkey cranberry salad. One bite and we both removed the top layer of more desert dry bread. I was shooting crumbs across the pretty white tablecloth. Lastly for the savories, there were toast points with smoked salmon, pickled onion, and capers. These were fine because ... toast. And this chef knows how to make dry bread, so toast was right up his or her alley. Next two tiers were all ... tan. Nothing like a little strawberry to break up the chunky scones, the almond croissants, and the second pieces of chunky scones. There was a little plate of condiments with the clotted cream, lemon curd, unidentifiable jam, and then a little sealed jar of marmalade. My parents are British, and we spent many happy years all over the U.K. I don't think I've ever had such tasteless clotted cream. It certainly wasn't the cherished Devonshire cream. It was served, perhaps, too cold, since it was crumbly instead of spreadable. Our hostess returned to give us more hot water for our teapots. Then no one came again. We left half the scones and the croissants so we had room to make it to the top tier. Previously, there were chocolates and even a little cup each of chocolate mousse. Not any longer. More tan-colored food with small triangles of pale lemon bars, which tasted the same as the lemon curd, and two macarons. One pistachio, one lemon. Since my daughter is not a lemon fan, she had the pistachio macaron. Then a male server finally came over, and asked if we wanted boxes for our leftovers. We did since we each had a croissant, a lemon square, and a piece of scone left. He picked up our plates, by which we understood he was going to box it up for us. Then we asked him what the jam was. He had no idea! He said he would ask someone. Oddly, as if suffering from memory loss, he never asked anyone. But he did see fit to put the pieces of dry cornbread in our boxes. That gave us a laugh. He also brought the bill. $55 each as we knew ahead of time. So thumbs up on the tea, but a thumbs down on the food. Dodgy. And it would be so easy to get it right. A few sausage rolls (which is sausage in pastry), the cucumber sandwiches but with FRESH, soft bread. The little quiche were fine if unimaginative. Keep the smoked salmon as it elevates the whole thing. But some color. A few strawberries, custard tarts, one or two delectable chocolates, a traditional cream bun and yes, a scone with good clotted cream and strawberry jam. After we paid and my daughter went to the restroom, I said to the hostess that it was a shame not to have any chocolates or the mousse anymore. She said, Well, there's so much. True, but not the right stuff. I told her my daughter wasn't a citrus fan, so that let out the lemon macaron, the lemon bars, and the lemon curd and marmalade. Honestly, I've never had an afternoon tea that didn't have strawberry jam, fresh strawberries, or a strawberry tart. The kind hostess said she wished we'd have told her as they have the mousse. I don't know how we would have known to tell her since we weren't told what we were getting ahead of time, nor did we have a server to check on us. But she offered to get my daughter some mousse to take home, which was very kind of her. Would have very much liked a cup of that myself, but that was a bridge too far to ask. Croissants? At an afternoon tea service? I guess if you think Italian meatball soup is appropriate. But dry bread is inexcusable. read more