We'd reserved the family room at Number 31 for the steep price of 400 Euro per night. We were optimistic that it would be a cool and charming place to stay in the heart of Georgian Dublin. We're no strangers to Dublin, nor are we strangers to varying levels of luxury, from the lowest budget hotels to the height of decadence. This price wasn't the highest we ever paid, but for that amount of expense, we had certain expectations. From the start, we saw the signs that this wasn't what we signed up for.
The parking lot is tight (and not free either, despite what is advertised on TripAdvisor), and requires the blocking in of other guest's cars, as well as the handing over of your keys so they can move your car if someone needs to get out. I decided not to fret about the potential liability issues with such an arrangement should they damage my rental car. Nor did I stress out that the lighting on our way down the steps to our room was so dim, the carpet so dark, and the last half-step so treacherous, that it would be easy to fall or twist an ankle. We were on vacation and I wasn't going to let trivial things like potential thousands of dollars of liability or serious injury ruin it.
Then we were shown our room. We really tried to find the charm in the serious water damage (and very likely mold) in no less than 3 different parts of the ceiling. We tried to enjoy the quaint urban view of a concrete alcove housing a metal mouse trap. We tried to laugh off the fact that the solitary garbage can in the room was a tiny bin in the bathroom. We even tried to laugh about how worn the furniture appeared, from the warped metal lightshade to the dilapidated chairs dotting the room. The lighting was so poor we joked about us being vampires, and the lighting in the bathroom reminded us of the spotlights in a bad jazz lounge. But at the end of the day we're adults and we're past the age of make believe...
The "luxurious" beds they highlight on their web site were a step up from a jail-bed, topped with a strange assembly of sheets somehow involving a cotton towel (the hotel isn't wrong when they refer to the "stunning" bedding - but I suspect they meant something different). One of the "mattresses" was punctured and looked to have endured a nasty encounter with moisture of some kind. Back to the bathroom, the plumbing seems especially sound, as multiple events caused water to drip from the rain shower head, such as flushing the toilet or bumping the sink, which was not solidly anchored to the wall. Even with all the lights on, my shower brought to mind what it must be like to shower in prison, minus the fear of being shanked.
In the end, we couldn't do it. We complained and got the absent "manager" to agree to refund our second night so we could stay elsewhere. We ended up at a fine hotel, at a savings of over 250 Euro. And now we can tell stories of our interesting night spent in Kilmainham Gaol... I mean Number 31 Dublin. read more