Me reviewing a McDonald's? Have I finally reached the nadir of my long, undistinguished "career" as…read morea Yelp reviewer?!? Have I lost what little of my mind still remains? Being unceremoniously tossed from the rarified heights of "Yelp Elite Status" was a painful, mortifying indignity, but now I'm reduced to reviewing one of thousands of fast-food hamburger places that have very little to differentiate or distinguish one from the other? Reviewing a diner is one thing, even reviewing a cemetery is at least...well, different, but...MCDONALD'S!?!? (In fairness to myself, I did review a Dunkin Donuts when I still had that exalted "Yelp Elite" status, and reviewing a Dunkin Donuts has to be as egregious as reviewing a McDonald's. Only thing more egregious would be reviewing a Domino's Pizza, and...so far...I haven't degenerated to that humiliating level!)
Truth is, I was never a fan of any McDonald's...ever...not even as an adolescent gorging myself on every crappy "fast food" available. As a teen, I endured 4 or so miserable months as a McDonald's employee. Did I have worse jobs than that? Maybe (cleaning toilets at AT&T...also as a teen...comes immediately to mind), but I'd be hard pressed to try and recall which ones were worse. Or paid less.
In subsequent years, if I happened to be starving and nothing else was available (I'm thinking of when I used to ride up I-95 to Rhode Island a lot, and there was a McDonald's in virtually every rest stop), I'd buy a Big Mac, fries, and a black coffee, but I never developed a fondness for this greasy repast of empty calories. (The Big Mac Burgers were always a lot smaller than they appeared in the advertisements, and the "Secret Sauce" appeared to be nothing more than globs of hastily applied Russian salad dressing.)
Truth is, I haven't had McDonald's food in many, many years (by the time "Super Size Me" was released to theatres in 2004, I had already long ago given up McDonald's food; by the way, if you never saw the movie, you should).
So...what exactly am I going to review?
Well, several years ago, I worked in the area (not cleaning toilets), and driving in on those bleak, fuzzy mornings when I was faced with the prospect of 8 hours of stressful tedium (contradictory words? Yeah, but it's the best way to describe the overall vibe of that particular job), I'd often pull into the drive-in window to get a large black coffee. The people manning the window always moved along pretty fast (which was important, because I was always chronically running late for the job), and there was a young blonde woman...I believe she was the manager; she often pitched in to help the other scrambling employees, not afraid to "get her hands dirty," and she often served me the coffee. She was always friendly, always had a ready smile and a nice greeting, even when they seemed swamped.
Recently, I had to venture to nearby St. Barnabas Hospital during the early morning hours, and after that ordeal, I was hungry. I don't know if I was feeling adventurous or foolhardy or had been stricken by what Poe referred to as "The Imp of the Perverse," but I decided to go inside and get something to eat. I had never been inside.
Everything seemed clean, spotless. They had what I guess could best be described as "Self-Ordering Kiosks" set up in the front and I inwardly groaned. I'm not a fan of "Self-Check Out" counters in grocery stores, and I don't like to punch in my order to some machine. Thankfully, a pleasant young woman by the cash register asked if she could help me. I placed an order for a bagel with egg, bacon and cheese; hash browns; and a large black coffee. The price was very reasonable, which I hadn't been expecting.
And service was fast. I didn't see the young blonde manager (hopefully she's moved on to better things) but there were a lot of people at work in the back, and they seemed to be performing their tasks efficiently if not necessarily with gusto and enthusiasm. My order was ready quickly, and I was able to get back on the road without any discernable delay. Was it great food? As I've said, I never, ever, thought it was. But it filled up that hollow spot in my stomach, and the caffeine in the coffee supplied some much needed energy.
I don't know when I'll be back in the area again, but if I need that blast of caffeine...or maybe even some of those empty calories...I have no problem patronizing this place again. For a McDonald's, this one has always...at least in my experience...been a stand-out. Why not 5 stars?
Because it's still McDonald's. But definitely one of the better ones.