Everything about this gourmet eatery was absolutely orgasmic. That's right I said orgasm. You know how chicks are.....always talking about orgasms or antiques. effing chicks, dude.
From the moment we set foot in this transformative establishment graced in the arts of eatery and drinkery confection, there was an essence of renewal about it. Was it the front door? The neon Bears symbol in the window- a token of brotherhood in sports affiliation? Or was it the myriad televisions inside- placed, no doubt, out of consideration for the customer's ability to partake in discussion of current events? I know not. Just that Kick's Bar and Grill is an Eden in the unsteady and perilous climate of central Illinois, and Towanda, the cradle of Eden.
I, of course, began my Odyssey with my partner in crime as chicks always do on sunny days like today. I'm talking about antiques. We can't get enough of them. It's literally in our DNA. "Antiques" have replaced cytosine- dozens of scientists are studying us for science. But like usual I digress....where was I?
So we were looking for antiques, and by antiques I mean FOUR ways. Because it's common knowledge that those who frequent antique shops are interested in group sex. However, I suggested we instead search for a place to get a burger.
We found Kick's by recommendation of an angel who worked in the Towanda gas station. It had everything (Kick's, not the gas station). Exquisite napkins. Designer ketchup. A menu with not one, but TWO delectable sides worth of dining options. And then I saw the bartendress. I mean bartender. Because that term applies to everyone.
I was absolutely floored by her stunning, sexy, cute.......personality. The way she served us with a smile and offered us drinks. I respect women who work at bars and manage to serve up a kind attitude when other people and their girlfriends have been out antiquing all day (if you know what I mean). After a few minutes, I got so busy not-objectifying her that I built up quite an appetite.
I ordered the "kick ass" burger with fries and my dashing companion got celery and peanutbutter and an order of tots. Each of these items were exceptionally delicious. Victory was ours. By far the finest caliber consumable goods in the entire state of Illinois, I'd wager. The two hour drive was well worth it.
Notwithstanding their insufficient stock of "Kick's" t-shirts, we thoroughly enjoyed our brief time at this small dose of heaven, and didn't fault them for their restaurant's due popularity in the realm of cotton apparel.
This place is the cat's pajamas. read more