Run Home!
(42,…read moreBroadway, Douglas, Isle of Man, The Rock in The Irish Sea) In case you want to check it out!
Empty evening, always a bit of bad sign. Especially, when there's only one kid in a baseball cap. Age, unknown. Maybe the employer's nephew, I guess that's a review for another website and another time. Now let's get into this kicked over kebab of a restaurant.
Aesthetics
Pizza originally looked like a unwanted teenager. Spotty and dirty (Joking all kids are beautiful). Which may make you wonder, does that mean it tastes delectable? We'll get to that in just a hot second. I ordered the ham & mushroom pizza of a length of ten inches. Cauliflower and a mystery meat. See image. I rest my case. Not really, because my case is covered in slippery cheese which had fallen off my sloppy pizza! Thanks. However, as a man of integrity I put it back on. The two toppings had consisted of a small Snaefell Mountain. Which Snae-fell on the floor again. Grease, always a controversial topic, but must be dealt with. Here's a question what has more oil, my Bentley Continental or my Home Run pizza box. If you said the Bentley you are a competent citizen.
Service (uh-oh!)
Now you're probably wondering was the service good? Hopefully no surprises in this one. Where is everybody? Little Timmy, looking curious, confused. Hair not washed, shirt not tucked in. I don't really mind. I mind, about asking for a simple two pizzas with a maximum of 4 toppings and receiving a pizza which looks like it has absorbed every disease from the Outback toilets. I, courageously took a bite. Let me come to that later. Timmy's uncle finally had come out of the back from the backstreet from what I guess, smoking a fag. He denied my friend the beef topping, like Henry VII denied his wives futures. With a weird enjoyment. Timmy's uncle went back to the alleyway. Brilliant. He's going to have to learn the ropes quickly young Timmy if he wants to take over this place, or better yet, keep it alive. We shall see. Good luck young squire!
Speed
Too Slow.
Taste.
Well, this is going to take a while. Where to begin? Seriously, where do I begin, this pizza looks like a kicked over trifle. Blander than my date with Britney Spears. Just kidding, it wasn't that bland. Date was quite nice as well. A solid 4/10. Anyway back to that interesting taste that remains on my palette for X amount of hours. Cardboard base, dryer than the actual box. Shocker. Onion or pineapple, not too sure, ordered neither as well. But onion and pineapple was actually, also bad. Chicken, an interesting mustard colour; I would hope from the intended spices. For an American 'style' restaurant. Spices. Try and put those two together. Crust. Now things are about to rise aggressively. I get mad just thinking about this. Hang on, let me eat my pizza to remind myself of the pure pain this has put me through to actually write a review about a local pizza take out. Alright, Timmy his your first lesson in catering entrepreneurship. Crusts needs dip and dips need crust. Lesson two, garlic dip is your friend not your foe. Garlic dip = $$$$.
Sound of the pizza
Don't even get me started. Why was it making sound? It was like chatting to Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars. I shouldn't really have to write about this. But the sound was more apparent than the appearance. My killer romance playlist was being drowned out by my pizza. Mood killer alert if I'm being completely honest.
Restaurant interior
No chairs. Suppose you don't need chairs if there's never any people. Or if you're not having to wait 17 minutes for your food.
Drinks
The Fanta and my Coca Cola (no copyright) were actually really tasty so can't complain there at all. Keep up the work on this end!
Conclusion
Well as you can see. I'm in a bit of a predicament. I'm hungry. Down 21 pounds and 32 pence. And single.
Regards,
Douglas Potter