I was putting off trying to find a care home for my mom for the last six months. Prior to that,…read morealthough she had been declining, I could still communicate with her somewhat; push her around in a wheelchair, and watch her eat most of her food. However, from January 2025 on, it seemed like every two weeks, she would get worse dramatically. She wouldn't eat; she wouldn't take her pills - she was fading in front of me everyday, and I was powerless to stop the deterioration. She needed an around the clock care giver or be at a facility at all times for her well-being, but I didn't know where to start or what to look for. I didn't have grandparents that lived to an old age and my dad died when I was a teen, so this search was foreign. I called a few places, but I didn't know what to ask for and what I should be looking for in a place for my mom. A nurse gave me Nicole Fauss's number and immediately Nicole wanted to get a sense of who my mom is. From her thorough, yet sensitive and understanding, questioning, she deduced that my mom would do much better at a smaller residence. My mom had become almost completely aphasic and her recognition of English had vanished, leaving her with just a scant familiarity with rudimentary Mandarin - and even that was pretty infrequent. So Nicole started to comb the Bay Area for possible, suitable place. She sent me names, short descriptions of these homes and contact info. I revised other things I thought that would be important as this process was undertaking: distance, dietary needs, style of food, I even thought that my mom may feel a bit more comfortable with other people who were Asian and were also in need of memory care. With all these changes, Nicole adjusted her search and would promptly send me lists of places. She would call many of these places first so I didn't have to feel so awkward during my initial phone call. All that she did for my mom and me were far more than I had ever expected anyone to commit. I called, visited and they didn't feel right. Nicole did not push me to take any of these earlier places; she just continued to look for us.
I called a place that was surprisingly close to my mom's apartment. It didn't check all the boxes, but it had other aspects that Nicole could sense would be valuable to my mom's health and my state of peace. Nicole's guidance and diligence have led us to this wonderful residence for my mom and has shown that this stage of my mom's life doesn't have to be so saturated with fear and sadness. The home is small. The caregiver to resident ratio is small. There is a pretty yard. The caregivers are not Mandarin speakers, but they listen and observe attentively. The caregivers make sure that the food meets my mom's picky needs as well as her nutritional requirements. They've also expanded my mom's palate as she now eats and drinks far more than she did a month ago. The place is also not a home specifically for elderly, memory-care residents. Because of this diversity, the energy of the home is much higher than some of the other places I have seen. Being situated in this has helped my mom. She taps her feet to the Supremes coming out of the radio; smiles (she smiles often now) at the other residents on her floor; has meals with them and tries to talk to them. I have a better comprehension of what living with dignity is like. My mom is now in a place that feels like a home, because, quite frankly, it is a home.