I've been to Henrietta's a few times, and the music is hit or miss depending on the night. Usually I have a pretty good time here because who doesn't love a good queer girl's hang?
I went here last night with two friends to dance off the work week; life is exhausting am I right?!
I waited in an amorphous line for the bathroom for about ~20 minutes. Everyone in line was nice, and for the space, we all made it work. I was first in line when they rushed an employee with a broken arm in front of me. Even though I'm still wondering what a bathroom could do to solve a broken arm (I hope they called the paramedics) I totally understood because I imagine being on the dance floor was overwhelming after whatever got them to that point.
Suddenly, another employee was in front me. This person had no broken bones, and when I asked the usher letting everyone into each respective bathroom why they were being let in front of me as well, he responded, "Employees first. We let employees go first." There was no mention of emotional distress or a reasoning why this person was also going in front of me.
I respond with, "I've been waiting for 20 minutes and am incredibly uncomfortable. I need to use the restroom urgently."
He dismissed me again with saying, "Employees first."
Meanwhile it looked like the employee was saying she didn't mind if I went ahead, but it seemed the usher out of principle wasn't going to let that happen. When the next person left the bathroom, I went through and used the restroom. It took me less than 90 seconds.
As a queer woman of color there are so few spaces in the world where I feel safe and seen, I thought Henrietta's was one of those but seeing this white guy assert the same domineering power over my ability to just go into a bathroom really changed that for me.
I get out of the bathroom and the manager is waiting for me. She tries to get my attention, but I'm good. What, I'm getting disciplined for using the toilet? Sorry I made someone wait for 90 seconds when I was patiently waiting for 20 minutes.
I'm back with my friends and we're hanging in the corner dancing. All is well. The same manager, a petite white woman, comes back to speak with me and not only is she shaking while she attempts her confrontation, she brings a large man who was security to stand behind her. I can't begin to even start with how problematic this is, but if you know, you know.
She starts with trying to discipline me about "pushing through people violently"... Y'all wonder how white queer spaces can be violent, here we go honey! I tell her, "Listen, idk what you're trying to achieve here but I hear you and I'm done with this conversation."
She said, "I'm having this conversation so you can stay. We don't tolerate violence here. I see where you're coming from, but the employee was clearly in tears, which is why we wanted her to go through. I want to know where are you at and how you're feeling?"
First of all, I did not see that. I looked deadass straight into her face, and she seemed like she was chatting with the usher without issue. As stated through my explanation of our brief interaction above.
I said, "I was waiting patiently to use the bathroom. I get that the first person was hurt, but there was no reason for anyone to be as rude as that man was to me."
I didn't respond by telling her how I feel, so I'll respond here: when confronting women of color in public spaces that are supposed to act as safe havens for minorities who are disrespected in the day-to-day don't replicate that by bringing big men to back you up like you assume we're going to fight you. Don't start a conversation with someone you're not emotionally equipped to have (clear by the fact that you were shaking when addressing me) because you know you're in the wrong. Everything about your actions showed me that you wanted an altercation after things has been resolved (AKA me using the bathroom and your employee doing whatever they needed to do in the meantime). Moreover don't respond to this review with a bout of defensive reasoning why you were right (you weren't) because you'll just be telling on yourself. The amount of effort you put into being in my space thereafter was incredibly telling in itself. Your power does not come from putting woc down, and making us very aware of how you actually feel about our power.
If I were a white woman I would have come out of that bathroom demanding to speak to the manager and complaining about employee conduct. You probably would have even apologized to me. But because I have large curls, and dark skin and HAVE to assert myself in a way privileged folks don't, I'm perceived as violent when I don't overextend my patience for all your tomfoolery.
All I'm saying by what I saw last night is that we have a looooong way to go still, and I'm deeply disappointed. read more