Ah, Grand Army. I live a block away, and I've been inside your gorgeous space five or six times now, and I still don't know how to articulate how I feel in an overarching sense. So I'm going to do that thing where people break up the review into its main components, mostly because the elements of this bar are pretty disparate. If you don't want to listen to me babble on and on, there's a TL; DR at the end.
Cocktails.
Let's start with the good. Your cocktails are uniformly excellent. I've ordered off the menu, I've ordered off-menu, and I've never been sad. There's no vodka-shaming when my wife wants a martini, and even when you incorporate ingredients I'm not necessarily fond of, the overall effect has been balanced and quite tasty. The Bosses' Cabinet in particular has always been a good decision, especially since it's a rotating cocktail that is always a slightly more affordable $11 (to the standard $13).
I would love to complain about that pricing in general, but that's pretty much just what good cocktails cost these days. Do I wish they were more affordable, so that I could be a regular? Of course. Do I wonder who could pay that much for cocktails regularly? Yes. But then again, you're on the same block as $4.5 million townhouses...and I'm betting whoever lives there can handle it.
Food.
The oysters have always been fresh, and when you come in for happy hour, $1 apiece is a welcome price point. (Actually paying MP? I'm not going to do that because I futilely dream of one day having one of those townhouses.) Some may find it too cutesy, but I actually appreciate the eyedroppers of different sauces; I like the variety of a little bit of jerk on this one, a little bit of ponzu on that one, or the standard mignonette or cocktail sauce...all in exact amounts that I decide. I do usually go sans sauce with fresh oysters anyway, but options are nice.
Unfortunately, none of the other food particularly appeals to me. I've tried a few of the "larger" plates, some of the raw bar, and I've had all the breads (formerly known as the fancy toasts), and I didn't find any to be worth revisiting. They tend to be prettier than they are tasty, and that kills me. I was sure I'd love the breads, too, as with such a small menu you expect them to be carefully curated, but it hasn't happened yet. Perhaps their food is just not my style, but living so close I wish it was.
Service.
Uneven. My bearded bartender friend, I believe his name is Damon, is great. He's generally friendly, obviously well-versed in the art of booze, and he's a pleasure to watch. No wasted motion in his game.* Unfortunately, some of the table service has ranged from just fine to inexplicably rude to painfully awkward (twice I've seen a teenager working, and he dropped silverware and flushed/cringed so hard I hurt for him). It's also a bummer when I come by for a nightcap an hour before they ostensibly close, and I'm turned away. I understand that folks are just trying to get home though, and I suppose I can save some money and drink my own booze. But my cocktails (usually consisting of liquor and ice) aren't nearly as tasty.
All in all, I will continue to come back for oysters and cocktails. And I'll keep trying the food as well, because I want to update this review. I want to be a regular. I want to love Grand Army. And I hope it happens.
TL; DR: The food is overpriced and underwhelming, the service is uneven, but the cocktails are excellent and worth the trip.
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*There was also a day I came in that he was grinning ear to ear, and let me know that his 1st grade teacher had just walked in. Which is awesome. read more