OK.
I didn't think it was possible.
But, believe me.
It is.
What is possible? You may ask.
Killing yourself, by eating.
No no no.
Not, the death by unhealthy diet kind of death.
I'm talking; you eat and then EXPLODE, kind of death.
I'm serious!!
I practically had to dial 911, but...food coma was kicking in and I lost the will to move!!!
Okok.
So, how did I bring myself into this state of near death?
Well, since you asked...I'll tell you.
(hehehe)
Lately, I've been having days where I'm too lazy to pack a healthy well balance lunch...so, I've been going over to Duke's to grab a bite, when the hunger pangs start gnawing at me.
You'd figure that I would have it all figured out by now, after having been over to Dukes about a half a dozen times, that I would understand that the portion sizes that they serve are retarded-huge.
Ok, so...I figured that today. I'd get a sandwich, no fries, no drink, and...maybe a side salad...if they have one.
Sounds good. Sounds sensible, right?
Mmhmmm.
All that sensibility went out the door the minute I walked up to the counter.
"Can have a Bacon Cheese Burger and a Chicken Taco...no, make that, 2 Chicken Tacos."
What were you thinking?
Yeah, that's you asking again.
I WASN'T thinking...at all!
Oh, I did decline the fries and large drink that the cute girl taking my order offered.
My thoughts were, "The tacos will be small, like appetizers. So I'll have an easy time finishing those. And, it's much healthier than fries."
After paying for my order, I went to lean against a rail that separated the dining room from the front counter, and at ease watched the cook put together several orders.
One of the things I appreciate is seeing a cook in control of his kitchen.
I'm not going to go into detail about what that means, but for those Yelpers whose ever worked a line. I know you know what I mean by appreciate, right?
On with the story.
So, I'm chilling and observing the cook work, and I'm witnessing him put together my 2 tacos.
"Oh, damn. Those are NOT some small tacos." I think to my self.
Outwardly, I was as cool and calm as a clam.
Inwardly: "Oh fuck, what the hell am I going to do with ALL this food?!"
Cook finishes my burger, and the cute girl who took my order let me know my to-go is ready to go. I smile and thank her and bid her adieu, and get my ass back to work.
I realize as I head back to work that the bag that holds my death sentence feels like it is weighing a good 5 lbs.
Yes, I am exaggerating, but for those of you that have eaten at Duke's will attest to the fact that their portion sizes are of the hefty division.
"I'll just eat the tacos and bring the burger home for dinner. Yeah..."
Still, trying to be sensible.
I get back to work and prop myself in front of the computer and reach in the bag for a taco.
With fork in hand, I pick at the grilled chicken, shredded cheddar and pico de gallo.
"Mmm! Very good!"
Undisturbed, I eat and work, eat and work and before I knew it, the first taco met it's demised.
"MMMM! M! Next one!"
Second taco in hand, eat and work, eat and work.
And, just like it's twin before. Terminated.
But, as I was cleaning up and just about to put the burger into the refrigerator, Idiot(me) tells me, "Dude, the burger is going to get soggy by the time you get it home..."
You ever Jedi mind trick yourself into doing something stupid?
Well, at that moment, I did.
"...and, you are still hungry." Idiot waves his hand at me in Jedi fashion.
"Why, yes. I am still hungry."
So, I sit right back down and commenced with eating the burger.
"Mmmm, m! Chomp chomp chomp. Oh yeah, so tasty."
Blissfully, I eat and continue working.
"Mmmm, m! Chomp chomp chomp. I'm so happy!"
Time passes. Tick tock tick tock...
I finish that big-ass burger, clean up, and decide to finish of my work and send it off to the boss, before I step out for a smoke.
And, just as I take my seat, the Jedi mind trick wears off and I realize,
"OH MY GOD!!! I'M ABOUT EXPLODE!!!"
No, I didn't actually reach for my cell to call 911.
Instead, I reached for the button on my jeans.
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Release button, and breath,
Inhale.
Exhale.
Breath...slowly. read more