Peru is known for its cuisine, which is heavily based on potato (a crop they're proud of) and a few signature dishes. When slavery was abolished in Peru, the workforce vacuum was filled by Chinese laborers who immigrated by the millions. The Peruvian Chinese, named tusán, account for up to 1/5 of the Peruvian population, so Chinese food has been integrated into Peruvian cuisine. For those who are familiar with Peruvian cuisine, you might be surprised to hear that lomo saltado is nothing more than a Latin American stir-fry. Makes sense, no? No bok-choy on Peru, but lots and lots of onions!
Anyhow, we're here to speak about Chicken Festival, a Peruvian restaurant in Astoria, Queens. The SINGLE WORST Peruvian restaurant I've ever eaten at.
We went there ONLY because of Yelp. Yelp rating malaise says that all Yelp restaurants will score somewhere between 3 and 4 stars. I'm sure there is a explanation of this fact that's grounded in the Central Limit Theorem of probability theory. Basically, this says that Yelp restaurant ratings will be normally distributed between 3 and 4 stars with very thin tails. If you see a 5 star rating, the place must be ENORMOUSLY good. If you see a 2 star rating, it's ENORMOUSLY bad. Like Amy's Baking Company kind of bad. Chicken Festival, as of now, has 4 stars, so we were intrigued and went. We're sorry we did.
The counter woman who appears in charge of the restaurant has an acidic face and demeanor. We're been to this restaurant three times, and she has always been unwelcoming, dour, uninterested, curt. We definitely did not feel welcomed or appreciated. We wanted to walk out based on her attitude alone, but the 4 stars intrigued us. She's probably the owner's wife or family, because she has a very entitled customer-unfriendly attitude. No employer would stand for employees scowling at customers the way she does.
Salad: F
The salad was disgusting. http://alturl.com/8qzdr It was nothing more than a bunch of wilted iceberg lettice and a few droopy carrot shaving in some unidentifiable goop.
My Chicken: C-
I ordered a quarter of a chicken which included the drumstick and thigh. http://alturl.com/ski7h This was supposed to have been dark meat but it was so dry and overdone, it was indistinguishable from white meat. I swear to you -- I literally had to CHOKE the food down. It was horrible, and I left more than half my chicken untouched. Seriously. Look at this picture: http://alturl.com/7cp7n This should be juicy dark meat. Look at the left part. It's so dry, that you can actually snap the chicken in half.
My Wife's Chicken: C-
The same as mine. http://alturl.com/7xsxs So dry that it's brittle. Incredible for dark meat!
Rice and Beans: D
Literally the worst rice and beans I've ever had. Rice and beans in Latin American cooking comes in many forms, some complex and some simple, but all savory and flavorful. But this ... was terrible. It was, literally, tasteless generic white rice with a few dry pinto beans tossed on top. I'm having trouble believing that any Hispanic worth his eñe would call this dry and bland dish "rice and beans". Some jalapeño would've been good. Some of the beans' sauce or cooking the rice in boullion would've saved this dish. The slightest care would've made this disgusting food into something passable. http://alturl.com/7xsxs
Chaufa: D
My beef fried rice is known in Peru (and other places like Costa Rica) as chaufa. I've never had a chaufa that I truly liked... we do fried rice better here in NYC. But this chaufa truly stands out as terrible. My rice was al dente! WHO EVER HEARD OF AL DENTE FRIED RICE!?!? Every bite was crunchy. I literally took 3 bites and threw out the rest. http://alturl.com/ski7h
Empanada: C+
The empanada fared better. http://alturl.com/m83hw It was actually pretty good in an unhealthy kind of way. Delicious, yes, but when you pick it up, the oil and grease will start dripping down your hands towards your sleeves. They obviously don't allow the empanadas' oil to drain before serving them.
In summary:
1. Simpy god-awful food.
2. Una bruja vieja que odia sus clientes.
3. An unpleasant eating area.
Why does this place have 4 stars?
First, I think the soup Nazi effect is in play here. It's a very unfriendly place. No Visa, no delivery, no waiters, and a scowling vieja amargada makes it feel like this place is something special. Indeed, Peruvian food is enjoying a surgence in NYC, but it hasn't hit Astoria, so this food is still exotic by Queens standards.
There's also another Chicken Festival that seems to enoy a higher place in the Yelp search algorithms. http://www.yelp.com/biz/chicken-festival-new-york Do a search for "Chicken Festival" and you'll get the other one. I suspect many of these 4/5 star reviews were actually for this other place, given to this restaurant by accident. read more