Honest to goodness true story: I'm a bit peckish so I pull in to Allsup's for a coke and candy bar. Walk in, grab my stuff and take my place in line behind a shirtless meth head buying cigarettes. Lady behind the counter tells him total and he slaps a handful of grimy coins on the counter. About this time in walks an obviously inebriated galoot of a man and what appears to be his wife. She is pretty in a trailer park kind of way but her eyes are devoid of any joy and I can't help but think she cries herself to sleep while her old man drinks up his paycheck. As if on cue the two make a beeline for the beer cooler and he grabs not one but two 12 packs of Natural Lite. I wonder who hates him more, his wife or his liver. Meantime shirtless meth head and cashier try valiantly to count out enough change to pay for his cancer sticks. It's glaringly and painfully obvious neither one grasp the complexities of first grade mathematics. The cashier tries valiantly to make sense of the change by tallying up the count on her fingers and I genuinely think that she is going to take off her shoes so she can use her toes to keep track of total. Meantime bleary eyed drunk and semi-pretty wife queue up behind me. In rolls an obese lady in a wheelchair. She's wearing a muu-muu and is the poster child for advanced onset diabetes. As expected she rolls straight to the candy aisle. She's wearing an oxygen mask and I'd bet a dollar to a donut she's also going to buy cigarettes...a bet I'm certain she'd greedily take for a chance to pig down the donut. The two math whizzes in front of me finally eke out enough change for smokes (32 cents more than needed by my silent observance) and I'll be danged if the guy doesn't use residual change to get a $1 lottery ticket and proceeds to scratch it off while in line! He wins a dollar and cashes it in for another ticket which he again proceeds to scratch off WHILE STILL IN LINE! The drunk behind me is unsteady on his feet and he's itching for a drink. His bloodshot eyes bore into me as if it's my fault the guy in front of me is holding up the line. The cashier, brain exhausted from rudimentary math, stands oblivious. The drunks wife, probably no stranger to his temper, places a hand on his arm in a feeble attempt to mollify him. The diabetic woman, now in line, begins eating her candy bar. I silently muse about all the money I've saved by not having to pay to go see a freak show...a simple trip to Allsup's is more than enough to sate my curiosity about genetic mutants. The shirtless meth guy craps out on his lottery ticket, wads it up, lights a smoke and walks out cussing. He gets on a child sized bike and pedals away. I approach the cashier, lay down my items and tell her she looks familiar. I tell her I'm a math major at Midwestern and I could swear she's in several of my classes. She shrugs and I pay for my items and head to my car. Drunk guy buys his beer, walks to truck and gets behind the wheel. His wife dutifully follows and my heart hurts for her. Drunk guy opens a beer, drinks most of it and drives off. I open my drink, take a sip and am not surprised to see diabetic woman in oxygen mask wheel outside clutching her candy in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other. Just another day in Henrietta. read more