The Ritz-Carlton Spa Dallas: Almost $500 Per Person for the Ultimate Minimalist Luxury Experience…read more
For my husband's birthday, we wanted a little five-star escape without flying to Hawaii or Fiji. So we booked two 100-minute couples massages for four people--almost $500 per person--and were promised something special in the Magnolia Room.
Babysitters scheduled. Work phones muted. Husbands organized. Paradise, here we come.
**11:00 AM -- Welcome to Paradise**
We arrived to smiles and were told we'd be escorted to Magnolia after changing. Eventually, the ladies made it there.
Our husbands did not.
Apparently, "Couples Massage" at The Ritz begins by separating the couples and seeing whether they can eventually locate each other. Luxury team building.
Magnolia was lovely: peaceful, elegant and so corporate-looking we had an urge to check our work email. The birthday refreshments? Gummy bears and sugary pretzels in glass vases.
Nothing says "five-star celebration" quite like the CVS snack aisle presented in crystal.
About 30 minutes later, our husbands finally found us.
Champagne? No. Mimosas? No. Birthday setup? No.
But perhaps we misunderstood. At The Ritz, **YOU are the celebration.** Why need champagne when you're breathing Ritz-Carlton air? Please be grateful.
**12:00 PM -- FIND YOUR MASSEUSE**
Massage time arrived. Our therapists did not.
So began another complimentary Ritz amenity: "The Great Masseuse Scavenger Hunt."
Eventually we found our way back, only to sit in an almost empty waiting room while therapists walked past us for about ten minutes, apparently looking for us.
Perhaps invisibility is another complimentary wellness treatment.
Finally: our luxurious 100-minute full-body massage with CBD oil and aromatherapy.
**Welcome to Minimalist Urban Chic Massage™.**
My request: firm upper body, medium lower body.
My left arm? Apparently unnecessary.
My right leg? Optional.
My back? Touched so delicately I wondered if my therapist thought I was antique porcelain.
Warm towels on my feet? No.
Under my neck? No.
Cold feet? -Customer responsibility.
Cold neck? - Poor planning.
Why warm the back muscles when we're barely going to massage them anyway?
Efficiency.
My massage ended before my husband's, leaving me sitting cold, listening to relaxing music and thinking, "I hope our friends are having a better experience."
They weren't.
My friend's husband came out with visible scratches on his back, which he said came from his therapist's nails.
Now THAT is personalized service. Some spas charge extra for exfoliation.
Apparently ours was included.
**BUT THEN CAME CRAIG.**
We didn't complain at the front desk because I didn't want to ruin my husband's birthday. I called management afterward, expecting someone to care.
Enter "Craig: Defender of the Ritz" -- a man whose loyalty should be studied by military historians.
I explained my massage. Craig defended the Ritz.
I explained our friend came out with scratches. Craig informed me their therapists don't have long nails.
**CHECKMATE, CUSTOMER.**
Perhaps our friend scratched his own back while lying face-down. Perhaps a small woodland creature entered the treatment room. We may never know.
I expected, "I'm sorry. This isn't the experience we want our guests to have."
Instead, I felt questioned and dismissed.
If the Titanic had Craig aboard, I imagine him standing proudly on deck saying:
"With all due respect, ma'am, our ships don't hit icebergs."
Craig, we salute you.
Almost $500 per person taught us about "Minimalist Ritz Luxury" less massage, less warmth, less celebration, less customer service.
More gummy bears.
Luxury isn't marble, robes or a famous name. It's attention to detail, making guests feel cared for and listening when something goes wrong. And luxury isn't charging almost $500 for a massage because the building says Ritz-Carlton on the outside.
If you're looking for paradise without leaving Dallas, keep looking.
But if you're looking for an almost $500 massage, a complimentary scavenger hunt, optional body parts, cold feet, mystery scratches, CVS snacks in elegant glassware, and the opportunity to debate your own experience afterward...
The Ritz-Carlton Spa Dallas has you covered.