The Sun Has Set on the Sunset Grille. Absolute Trash. Turn Back Now!…read more
As a local who lives just down the road, I selfishly NEED Sunset Grille to be good. It's convenient, it's waterfront, and the sunsets are gorgeous. Unfortunately, I'd rather drive to Montana for McDonald's than spend another dime here. After tonight, I think McDonald's deserves a Michelin star.
And if you're a tourist considering dinner here, allow me to save you some money and gastrointestinal disappointment. There are plenty of ways to waste $100 in Perdido Key. Most of them are more enjoyable.
First, credit where it's due: the view is spectacular. One of the prettiest spots around to watch the sunset. Unfortunately, Mother Nature is carrying this entire business on her back, and judging by the restaurant's condition, she's the only one showing up for work.
It's open-air dining, which sounds charming until it's 95 degrees, you're sweating through dinner, and the flies are treating your table like an all-inclusive resort.
And the cleanliness? Good Lord.
The tables are worn out, the menus look like they've survived several hurricanes without evacuating, and everything has that charming "we gave up years ago" appearance. Photos included, because some things need to be seen to be believed.
My favorite was the napkin dispenser proudly announcing, "Help promote hygiene." The irony was magnificent. It's like hanging a fire safety poster in a burning building.
Then there was the hot sauce bottle, caked with enough old residue to qualify as an archaeological excavation. Somebody should introduce it to one of those hygienic napkins.
But the real highlight came when a waitress started dumping food debris into a trash container RIGHT BESIDE OUR TABLE while we were eating. Nothing complements waterfront dining like watching somebody dispose of half-eaten food three feet from your dinner.
I suppose that's their version of an open kitchen concept.
Now, the food. Because apparently we hadn't suffered enough.
I ordered a Wagyu burger, which is an ambitious name for meat with the moisture content of drywall. The bun was dense and hard to swallow. I don't know what happened to that poor cow, but I suspect its final moments were more pleasant than mine eating it.
The burger was $16.63, and I added bacon, jalapeños, and queso. What I didn't realize was that the tiny Styrofoam cup of cheesy disappointment cost another $6.23 PLUS TAX. Nearly seven dollars for something resembling a school cafeteria macaroni-and-cheese experiment.
For that price, I expected somebody to bring the cow back to life and milk it tableside.
We also ordered the popcorn shrimp po' boy. Equally unimpressive. They claim to use Gambino's bread, but as someone who's eaten plenty of it, I'm going to need to see an invoice. Whatever showed up at our table wasn't ringing any bells. The shrimp was forgettable too, which is impressive considering how much time I'm now spending complaining about it.
The Coors Lights were about $5 each and arrived cool-ish. In the Florida heat, you've got four minutes before you're drinking something with the temperature and appeal of bathwater.
To be fair, our server was friendly and pleasant, even if service was slow. No complaints about her attitude. Unfortunately, friendliness can't rehydrate a hamburger or refrigerate a beer.
By the end of this culinary hostage situation, our bill was $71.36 BEFORE TIP. Two lousy meals, four beers, hushpuppies, and a tiny cup of liquid gold masquerading as queso.
Seventy-one dollars to sweat, fight flies, eat terrible food, and watch somebody empty garbage beside our table.
I've had better dining experiences at Philadelphia Airport. And that place has spent six consecutive years at the bottom of customer satisfaction rankings. Apparently, Sunset Grille looked at that record and said, "Hold my warm beer."
What's maddening is that this place COULD be fantastic. The location is incredible. Locals would absolutely support a good restaurant here. But it feels like somebody figured out tourists will keep showing up for the sunset regardless of what comes out of the kitchen.
And apparently, they're right.
My recommendation? Use the parking lot to access the docks, enjoy the sunset, take some pictures, and burn rubber before somebody hands you a menu.
The only thing worth watching at Sunset Grille is the sun going down. And after eating here, I completely understand why it's leaving.