RE: The Chimneys in Hooton Green, Wirral Well, let's put it this way: When I ordered a couple of choux buns, I was not thinking in terms of footwear, but after no less than a twenty minute (2 cigarette) wait after the main, they must have been thinking along those lines. I figure it was about as close to leather as a dessert can get, even the knife I had to use had problems getting through it, so if you're in need of any quality footwear at any time, just pop along to The Chimneys and see if they've got a couple of old boots tucked away in the back of the freezer, cos that's what I got. The main course was expensive for the quality of the food - especially liked the crinkled stale peas - when I can get twice as good elsewhere for half the price - and I enjoyed playing spot the "scampi" (if it's possible to call it "scampi") inside the breadcrumb cases - and I guess the flies buzzing round the table constantly must've found something of interest on the plate, so at least one or two of us were happy. The interesting thing about the flies was: They generally seemed to appear when someone came out of the kitchen, so I figure they must have a nice little home in there. And if you think the cutlery looks clean, you'd be right. Only it's best to mention how the flies like to land on it and buff it up a little, so perhaps that's why it has a nice sheen on it. The menu, under this new management, is a lot more restricted than previously. It has the look of one of those stylish wipe-clean menus that you find in department store cafes, and uniquely provides you with the option of upgrading your dinner. For example, you can upgrade your chips from lean and undercooked to fatter and presumably just as undercooked. You may even be able to upgrade the rest of your dinner, from greasy spoon to transport caf for instance. And perhaps even your waiting staff, from lazy-sour-and-useless to competent-and-on-the-ball. A few years back, under different management, with nice waiting staff who were not too busy networking on Facebook to bother whacking plates on tables, and with a different chef who had the uncanny ability to cook something which could be classed as edible, it was good and deserved a 4 out of 5 rating. As of 2012 and 2013, you may be inclined to feel that you've been fleeced out of £30 at the very least. I'd give it 0 out of 5 but that isn't an option I'm afraid. Incidentally, I've seen a review raving about the good access on road and rail links, and I agree totally, because you'll be wanting them to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. So on the whole, if you're looking for a little entertainment value and don't mind paying through the nose for the amusement of laughing at what you're eating and the incompetent, misery-faced sloths you're being served by, this could be the one for you. I'm surprised they don't serve up that 3-year old fermented fish that you can get in Japan (as featured on An Idiot Abroad 2). Takes about that length of time for the dinner to get transported from the pan to the table. Also, it's a real bonus if you're the type who is inclined to go rooting through skips at the back of supermarkets looking for the odd tossed-away nibble. This food will be manna from heaven for you. Don't forget your doggy bag. I can guarantee your dog will love it! Clearly the chef has no idea of his own worth. Who said he was only good for spuds? I challenge them to take that back. He can do fried pineapple too. Jamie Oliver beware! read more