I trained at this academy regularly, competed with the team, and for most of my membership…read moreconsidered the gym and its members an important part of my life. I learned a great deal, developed meaningful friendships, and previously had a positive relationship with the coaches.
As a veteran, Jiu-Jitsu had become more than a recreational activity for me. It provided structure, community, purpose, and a constructive way to manage the transition out of military service. This context made the end of my membership particularly significant for me.
Management developed concerns about my communication style, but I was not spoken to directly or informed that my membership was at risk. I later learned that the coach's wife had been discussing her concerns about me with one of my close friends for approximately one month. My friend repeatedly stated that she believed I was joking rather than intending disrespect and offered to speak with me about it. She was told that the coaches would handle the matter. No coach raised these concerns with me directly. And because my personality had never changed and had previously been accepted and interpreted positively, I had no reason to believe it was suddenly unacceptable and that a narrative was being built.
When I later became aware that a joke in the team group chat had been interpreted as disrespectful, I sent my coach a private apology and explained that disrespect had not been my intention. I did not receive a response. This shows that once aware of issues, I was willing to adjust, apologize and communicate. It also shows that my coach and his wife are incapable of direct communication.
Shortly thereafter, my membership was terminated by phone. The decision was communicated by my coach's wife. I did not receive a direct explanation from the coach who had worked with me most closely, mentored me, and had been preparing me to compete.
During the call, I requested a conversation to better understand the concerns, provide my perspective, and assess whether the situation could have been addressed differently. I was informed that the decision was final and not open for discussion. I was not given a warning, a clear opportunity to correct the behavior, or a detailed explanation prior to the termination of my membership and my involvement with the team. I felt betrayed and discarded by someone I looked up to, admired and wanted to make proud. To have someone you trust not deem you worthy of even a single conversation felt like the cruelest abuse of trust.
The last thing said to me during that conversation was "I hope your next gym gets your sense of humor", which was just an unnecessary insult and clearly a veiled insult driven by a personal vendetta that I was not privy to.
I understand that a privately owned academy has the authority to determine membership. My concern relates to how that authority was exercised. Concerns were discussed with someone close to me over a period of weeks while I was not informed. An opportunity for direct communication was not taken, my apology was not acknowledged, and the matter was concluded without a direct conversation with the coach who had mentored me.
I remain appreciative of the training and relationships I developed while I was there. However, I would not recommend this academy to students--particularly veterans or others who rely on Jiu-Jitsu for structure and community--if they prioritize transparent communication, clear expectations, and an opportunity to address concerns before membership termination.
Update following the response: I understand the decision not to discuss these supposedly existent "private details" in a public forum. However, the central concern in my review is that they also declined to discuss those concerns with me privately. I was not warned that there was an alleged "pattern of conduct", my apology was not acknowledged, and my request for a direct conversation with my coach was denied. Their response does not address that communication process, which remains the basis of my review. Do better, Steven.
