Christian G. and the case of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad bathroom.
Recently, I got a massage. This is a big deal for me as apparently we can afford to shuttle the princess dog to groomer every single month, but we can only afford bi-yearly massages for moi. Don't worry, I don't get the math on that one either. So, I'm heading to Renew for a deep tissue bliss out and I decide to leave two hours before the appointment because the traffic through Honolulu is exactly never what you expect it to be. You know where this is going, don't you? I was an hour and a half early for my massage.
What's a yelper with free time to do? EXPLORE! So, I feed my change to the meter and set out to see what I can see in this neighborhood. I was specifically avoiding the crack seed store, fabric store, jewel or juice, and my hairdresser because I'm already familiar with them. I found Otto Cake! This may not seem like much, but I was damn excited to know exactly where it is and mentally add it to my "to return with cash" list. I also found a little bakery. Cool, I'll be back for you, too. I also found Gecko comics and decided I was too much of a noob to grace that store with my presence.
And then I walked right into Coffee Talk. I adore the vibe of this place. Just. Love. It. It reminds me of the independent coffee shop I used to work, only approximately 100% more awesome. The food looked to die for and the drink looked amazing. I was a very happy woman. I got a pumpkin muffin and a thai iced coffee and found a quite place to eat and kill some time. I would absolutely be a regular here if I didn't live way out in Wahiawa. The muffin was delicious and the coffee was the best, and best made, that I have had in an exorbitantly long time. Excellent coffee with correct crema and proper foam is an art and a science. This place absolutely does it right.
So, I killed about an hour eating my muffin, drinking my coffee, and forcibly talking myself out of going back for a piece of chocolate spoon bread. I really, really wanted that bread. But, the DH is coming home soon and I'm on the same *must lose weight immediately* that every other person in the same situation likely feels. It's time to pack up and head to the massage. I should probably use the bathroom first, because God knows bathrooms can be like veins of gold in some parts of Oahu. (Read: impossible to find) I didn't really know where the bathroom was, so I just walked around until I found it. (It wasn't a long journey.) Not knowing what horrors the immediate future held for me, I cruised right on in.
HOLY NIGHTMARE BATHROOM, BATMAN! I just... I can't even explain... the horrors! A. It smelled like they were having sewer issues. To call it a barnyard smell would be insulting to barnyards. 2. There was tp and paper towels everywhere. I do not know what animal used the bathroom before me, but they need to be found and dragged back in there by the hair to clean up their freakin mess. I used a clean paper towel to pull the papers out of the sink and off the toilet. I left the paper that was already on the floor. Nobody's currently paying me to clean that place. 75D. Let's talk about blood. I'm sorry, does that gross you out? Don't worry, it grossed me out, too. Now, I don't know about you, but I have seen a few episode of Dexter (awesome show) in my day and I've done the "What weapon was used in this crime according to the spatter pattern?" thing offered to children at the Crime and Punishment museum. Suffice to say, I'm pretty much a blood spatter expert by now. (Thank you Showtime!) Even I was mystified as to what exactly happened in this bathroom. About a foot off the floor, beside the toilet, was a clear and fresh blood stain. This was not a smear, not an arterial spray, not a stereotypical bloody handprint from horror movies that I could chalk up to early Halloween decoration. This was a significantly large and very fresh *spatter*. Like someone got crowbarred in the head beside the toliet. I spent the whole time I was in there wondering "WTF happened in here?". I mentally added "watch more CSI" to my to-do list. Needless to say, I got the hell out of that bathroom as quickly as I could.
Come for the coffee, stay for the food, run from the bathroom. read more