I had heard so many great things about this bar from friends & decided to make the trip to Manly to see what the big bang was all about. One Saturday night, I stood there in the line smiling enjoying my own sense of well being anticipating that I was about to revel in one of the best bars in Sydney. It was all going well, there was glee among the liner uppers & there were laughs. Laughs is what I enjoy. I was bathing in a sea of collective laughter like a pack of Hyenas lining up for a feed. This was too good to be true. Then emerged the red flags. There was a smell, a stench that was unbearable. I couldn't handle it. Where was it coming from? I looked around the line. There were guys that looked like huge Tongan Trannies. Trannies are known to smell ghastly after a botched sex change operation, but they weren't Tongan Trannies. They were just a bunch of brown guys that I think play footy on the weekends. I looked to see If there were any Bangladeshis around. They're known to stink also as they hold vitriol towards the deoderant for religious reasons or something, but nope. I saw some Aussie skanks, & when I say Aussie-I don't mean aboriginal, I mean white dogs. And when I say skanks, I mean skanks that engage in vast frivolous group sex in huge numbers & skanks are known to smell horrendously after a gang bang where unprotected anal sex becomes the ace in the hole methodology of practice. Nope, it wasn't that either. Where was this retarded smell coming from? So after being ushered in by security that dressed like traffic controllers (Jesus, what's that all about?!), It as in the smell, hit me really hard on the face like gay porn. The smell was actually coming from inside the bar, these putrid carpets that never get a steam clean. Holy hell. The stench was like a thousand set of feet that had never seen a clean wash. The Walk up those stairs almost gave me colon hole cancer. The top floor of the bar was really something else as I had never been hit with so much warmth in my life. Was I flaring up with malaria? Was I back in Africa? I did spend one year in that tumultuous continent when I was spreading the teachings of our holy lord. This wasn't global warming. It was bar warming. So much farts. So much nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen sulfide & methane mixed with whatever the hell else. Again, there was so much warmth. It was all too much to handle. The stench of collective unwashed feet, the warmth of farting malaria, this experience had made it all like pure aids, well arse aids-to be precise. So I retreated from the cesspool of sin named the Shark Bar like any good Christian boy should & I was never to come back again. Amen. Never again. read more