I'll admit it right off the bat - I'm a pizza snob. I grew up in New York City in a big Italian family with grandparents off the boat, been making making pizza and focaccia since I was a teenager and when the Doctor tries to take blood from me, gravy comes out (aka tomato sauce). In NYC you're spoiled with having a pizzeria on nearly every other corner. Ok, you get the picture -
Decided to try the Pizza Guys since I was next door doing some laundry and I'm new to Billings. Read reviews and wanted to try The Grail pie. So I walked in, and there's no customers in there, just one of the Pizza Guys. I say hello and that I'd like to order a Grail pie and he sneers and says "What size?" and points to the metal screen sizes nailed to the wall. 3 sizes, 10, 14 and 18 inch. I ask how much the 14 inch pie is and he points again, but this time at the take out menus on the counter. I guess it was really too much effort for him to actually converse with me, so I opened up the menu and see the outrageous prices and definitely opt for the medium, 14 inch at $15.75 ($22.50 for an 18 inch!!).
Alright, I sit down because I'm a geek and I want to watch the pie being made. Pizza Guy #2 emerges from the back and pulls a minuscule piece of dough out of the fridge. He plops it down on the deck, which has way too much flour on it, and he stretches it out a bit. Then he pulls out a ROLLER. What? After he rolled it out he aerated it with a dough docker - Aaagh!! Then he picks it up and stretches it out some more by hand and places it on one of the round metal screens. The Pizza gods looking down from Mt. Vesuvius watched in total disgust. Pizza gets topped and thrown in the oven. I go get my laundry and return and the pie is ready.
I take it out to the car and wanted to try a slice while it was still hot, even though I prefer pizza to be cooled off a bit, almost room temperature. I picked up a slice and my hand was now covered in oil. I grabbed some napkins and decided to wait until I got home. I get home and the pie actually looks okay. I don't like that there's no raised crust circling the outside edge of the pie, but whatever, that would have required an ounce or two more dough. So I pick up a greasy soggy slice and taste it. I really like the spicy marinara sauce and the toppings. The problem is the dough. It's soaked through with oil and is too thin to support the oily toppings. And since it's aerated it's a uniform bland layer of blahness. Even a glass or two of red wine cannot save this paltry excuse for pizza. It's only a slight step above Dominoes and Walmart frozen pies.
And can someone please explain to me why I got a small container of blue cheese dressing sitting in the middle of my pizza? I didn't order wings - what the heck is going on here? Well, the search for some real pizza continues... read more