This is a small theater that still charges less than $10 for a movie, so as far as I'm concerned it gets 5 stars automatically. Also, they serve beer, thus solidifying the 5 stars. When I was in line to buy a beer I was behind a guy with his young kid and I made a mental note to myself that if I ever have kids I'd want to come to a place like this to get buzzed enough so that I can at least not want to kill everyone while watching a kids' movie in a theater full of awful screaming children. This theater has a sort of weird seating set up, where instead of theater seats they have leather office chairs separated by bar tables, which effectively prevents any potential theater HJs and makes this a bad idea for groups smaller or larger than 2 people. I came here with a couple friends and it was hard for me to share my witty commentary with them, so that was pretty disappointing (for all of us, I'm sure). Also last summer I came here with a group of like 10 of us to see Toy Story 3 and I guess it's pointless anyway to see a movie with that many people, so whatever. (By the way did you guys know that movie was basically an allegory about the Holocaust? I can't be the only person who noticed that. That scene near the end when the toys were all about to be burned alive kind of sparked an existential crisis for me so that was also I'm sure fun for kids.)
I saw Super 8 here the other day. That movie I would give probably 2 1/2 stars. The trailer tried to shroud this movie in mystery by showing only a train crash that these kids witness, and something (presumably a monster or alien) starting to pound its way out of a cargo container labeled "Air Force." Which makes you think this is a movie about a group of kids who witness a mysterious train crash that results in a monster/alien escaping from one of the cargo containers and the government probably trying to cover that up and the kids probably trying to help the monster/alien escape to safety, because knowing Spielberg is behind this the creature probably has a good heart. And that is EXACTLY WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT. There is literally nothing I can add that is not a totally superfluous detail. This movie seems like it would be enjoyed by 12 year old boys or people who are nostalgic about having once been a 12 year old boy. Also, Dakota Fanning's younger sister is in this, and she is way hotter than Dakota Fanning. Before you whip your dick out and google her, she's like 12 years old (I do not remember anyone being that hot when I was 12 though).
Some parts of this movie totally didn't make sense. Like, the main kid was supposed to save the day by giving the monster/alien this heartwarming speech. The kid's mom had just died in a horrible accident. So right before the monster/alien kills him or just ties him up (the movie never explains why it kidnaps people to tie them up...like is he using them for energy like the robots in the Matrix? Why do I have to figure this out for myself?), the kid says "I know bad things happen, but you still have to live. You have to live."
OK, WTF. That kid is an asshole, because that heartwarming speech has NOTHING to do with the alien's situation. The alien just wants to stop being anally probed by the U.S. military and get the fuck back to its home planet. He does not give a fuck about some kid or his sob story about his mom being completely flattened in a construction accident (that seriously happened!). The kid's speech was really only applicable to his own situation, as if the alien's predicament of being held captive for a few decades and anally probed was NBD. THEN, and this is the most infuriatingly bewildering part, the kids escape from the alien and are outside when suddenly everything in the town that is made of metal starts floating in the air. The alien has somehow created a magnet powerful enough to attract anything metal, and these objects all come together to MAGICALLY form a spaceship. Like, old tvs, cars, spoons, street signs, etc. all cling together to create a spaceship that looks not like a pile of junk, but a fully functioning spaceship like it's the fucking Enterprise. WHY COULDN'T THE ALIEN JUST WHIP THIS SHIT UP EARLIER IF IT ONLY TAKES FIVE MINUTES? Also why are we supposed to root for the alien when the dude just stole all the town's VCRs and shit like he's looting during a riot? He even fucking took the kid's dead mother's necklace that he carried around with him since her death, probably because FUCK THAT KID. The alien didn't need that shit for his spaceship to fly, I mean I am not an aeronautical expert but I am pretty sure of that. He then takes off, destroying the town's water tower in his wake (which also probably flattened a few people). Fuck that alien, he is no E.T.
I'm sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. Oh if you haven't seen this movie yet, SPOILER ALERT. read more