On this, my landmark 400th review and floating on a freshly-minted 2014 Elite Badge, Childrens, I want to share with you something special about the East Bay and how I do love me some Oakland. *adjusting hat*
For those of you who don't know, 2014 is a year that I've been looking forward to with equal parts dread and joy. My Cadet will turn 18 on Valentine's Day; he will be a graduating member of the class of 2014. Take a moment to let the chills run up your spine.
To my beloved fans who "get" me (I'm signing 'You complete me!" right now.) Seriously... I am honored to have you follow Me and kindly write off my relative silence because I've been obsessing over SAT dates, college applications, empty-nest syndrome and juggling 4 different job offers.
I am a fan of acupuncture, and believe in the restorative and preventative benefits of the treatments. My gal Tiffinie T. of Nest is the gal to see if you plan to reproduce in the near future. It's on my list of things to do: visit her practice for a facial rejuvenation - needles yes, 'Tox, no.
I digress. (Officially, my first Yelp digression of 2014 - huzzah!)
While I support a fair number of private practices, one of the many things I dig about being an Oaklander is the sense of community and making the benefits of acupuncture accessible to all.
The space is serene, community driven, and accepts both online and walk-in appointments. Each month, they run a special promotion, and provide services on a sliding scale. Other perkalicious perks... Perkalicious perks:
(aside: I'm wondering why my brain is stuttering Fergie lyrics.)
* A fragrance-free environment
* Green practices
* Filtered water and a selection of hot teas - gratis!
* Unlimited "resting time" during and after treatment
* Cheery practitioners
* Reasonably priced Chinese Herbal Supplements that look like tiny canon balls
I am also taking some Chinese herb pills, which were reasonably priced at $10 for a bottle of root extracts (wait, are these #paleo? Because I see lots of root and rhizomes listed on the bottle...)
* Possible Paleofaileo, but I do feel less like a hummingbird on crack.
* Childrens, I'm not saying I've done crack.
* Gentle Yelpers, quite to the contrary: I have NEVER done crack.
I have also never been a politician, so perhaps that's why I've stayed away from the drugs. Street drugs, I mean. Or pharmaceutical grade recreational drugs like Ecstasy. I'm not knocking The Marijuana and the thousands of twenty-somethings who need it for their cataracts, anxiety acute pain, anxiety and other ailments associated with youth!
In fact, Childrens, I most certainly have inhaled concert air and perhaps even gotten a contact high from it. Beastie Boys, 2007 - I definitely had the hungries, but that is also another one of my default settings, so I couldn't honestly say whether it was a contact high or not, but you know if there is one thing I strive to be, it's honest.
I think that having a residence in The Land of Oaks means that by default, you will test positive for The Marijuana, just from walking around and getting some 510 on AND in you by osmosis. Like, how money is filthy, and "they" say that all cash has trace amounts of The Cocaine on it, you know?
Have you seen The Wolf of Wall St. yet?
Did you notice that in the scene where ah, DiCaprio is using a BOBA sized straw to dip into a vial of The Cocaine that he's *blowing* The Blow INTO her bum? Yes, Childrens - instant uptake, but no tell-tale deviated septum. Some people even take enemas with Alcoholic Beverages, butt anytime you put something in your bum that isn't legal or intended to be there as prescribed by a physician, it's very risky because it bypasses your digestive tract and the uptake into your system is instant.
Also, this does not apply to The Homosexuals, the Flaming Heterosexuals or any other parties (especially closeted Republicans) who enjoy putting objects designed to go into bum into said nether-region. I mean, you don't honestly want to end up with your "supposedly" HIPAA protected information or documentation like an x-ray on some Tumblr feed or goodness knows what else, what, with all the things people post on the World Wide Internets these days!
"Just Say No [to the hard drugs]! I am such a child of the 80's, and I am so not endorsing any drugs or drug use or movies or anything, because that would be reckless, irresponsible and abuse of my Magical 2014 Eliteness Powers.
I digress. (Second official Yelp Digression of 2014)
So, in closing this historic review, in summary: two main points:
One: Say "no" to The Drugs.
Two: Say "yes" to the Oakland Acupuncture Project.
ThisisanunpaidendorsementandreviewofTheOaklandAcupunctureProject;drugsarebadforyouunlessprescribedtoyoubyalicensedphysicianandyououghtnotputTheDrugsorTheAlcoholintoyourbum.MynameisKimD;IamtheMadHattrixandIendorsethisreviewandbusiness.
Love you Madly,
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