Form - Function = Fail
What I didn't realise when I booked in to the Lorne Hotel was that it was only opening 2 days before. Unsurprisingly, it has a lot of teething problems, but I'll ignore those for this review. That still leaves me with adequate niggles to bitch about.
The good:
- The beds are very comfy, the décor's pretty swish, assuming you go for that ultra-modern style.
- The staff were pretty friendly, if somewhat flumoxed by all the new procedures.
The bad:
- The rooms are pretty cramped. While they've gone to the trouble and expense of installing ultra-wide doors throughout the hotel, there's no way you're getting wheelchair in the bedrooms without hauling the bed out first. I believe the internet term for this is "FAIL"
- You can't turn the A/C off. The vent is right above the headboard. But you like a constant breeze on your face while you try to sleep, right?
- The showers are very futuristic. Unfortunately, this means super-angled taps, which are both over sensitive and difficult to grip. You will alternately scald and freeze your naked self. There's also no soap shelf, and the curved shower doors leave no room to actually manoeuvre or bend down, so I hope you're adept at picking things up with your feet.
- I have a PhD in Space Physics. I say this not to try and impress. I say this not to elicit sympathy at my tendency to utterly kill small talk at parties. I say this to put the following into context: I couldn't figure out how to empty my wash basin. In the end I completely unscrewed the whole plug mechanism just so I could brush my teeth. Seriously, who thought the sink needed redesigning to the point of making its operation completely unintuitive? FAIL.
- The breakfast is £12.50. This is Glasgow, not Tokyo.
I'm sure some people will love the Lorne. They'll probably love sitting in the bar, trying to write a screenplay on their iPad. read more