The Lairs Hallmark never seems to have the card I am looking for.
Don't get me wrong, they have plenty of cards, I do not mean to discourage you. I needed a welcome back card for a friend of which they had in their collection one, single, card. "Welcome back" is all it said. No fun, no funny, no graphics worth a degree at Computer Diploma Mill Dot Com. *Sigh.*
But they have stacks of everything else. They had Valentine Day cards stripping aisles in red. Both cheesy individuals and I-choo-choo-choose-you children box sets are already out. They had V-tine's for boyfriend, girlfriend, secret lover, crushes, NSA, FWB, window peeper, dominatrix, stripper, the gimp, and for sheep.
But they had only, one, single welcome back.
They have thank you cards of all types and probably thank you for your thank you card cards. They have thank you for the gift, the food, the good times, the bad times, for being a jerk, for cutting me off in traffic, and for blowing the project that got me promoted over you.
But they had only, one, single welcome back.
They had birthday cards, boy did they ever. There's Happy Birthday cards for wife, husband, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, both parents, both grandparents, cousin third remove, friend, friend-of-friend, secretly-obsessed-pretending-to-be-friend, cat, dog, goldfish, co-worker you like, co-worker you hate, neighborhood bum, for your creepy stalker.
But they only had one, single, Welcome back.
They had tons of get well cards. There are cards for flue, cold, car wreck, wife attack, anal leakage, heart attack, stroke, abdominal pain, STDs, Ebola, cancer, explosive diarrhea, headache, psychosis, acid reflex, pink eye, and accidental castration.
But of welcome back, they had only one.
They had my condolences in abundance. There's condolences that said I'm sorry, I'm glad, should had died sooner, can't believe he lasted that long, the world a better place now, here's to you joining her soon, about time, and are you sure he's gone? I still smell the stench.
But of welcome back they had only that. One. Generic. Card.
Oh well. Just my luck I guess. What they really need, with today's technology, is a terminal where you can make your own card. Maybe it's my ego talking, but I swear I can make a warmer, better phrase than the corny, syrupy, words of these cards. Maybe someday. It has a decent selection, just not for me it seems.
The store also has trinkets and small gifts for sale. Lots of cupids and candy and tiny porcelain table toppers. They sell décor, ornaments, and even family games. I saw a Rubik cube here. That would be a strange V-day gift. "Want to be my Valentines? Solve this, douche. It is the combo to my steal garner belt anyways."
Hey, that's an idea for a V-tines card! read more