'Can I get you anything else?'
'Yes please, the bill.' **Slightly awkward moment. That was the last thing I said to the guy waiting my table. That is, apart from saying sorry it hadn't worked out, as I left sooner than I had planned. I've been to La Muse once before, it was sunny, there were herbs and tomatoes ripening on the vine in the garden area and the owner was really great with me. I wanted a mint tea with proper mint. No problem, my wish granted in a hot minute (less than).
So I thought I'd experience something similar this time round. It was so disappointing, I can't tell you. I ordered the vegetable tagine and a single soy latte. I was kindly offered water which arrived in one of those nice kilner type bottles, with a cute tumbler. The coffee came next, in one of those ceramic highballs you get from Ikea. My goodness, talk about a long drink of scorched milk with only a vague taste of coffee (eew). Should have got the double shot. Really? But the single shot should at least taste of something. Good coffee is like or at least should be, the foundation of any cafe. It's either the first, last or only thing you might have so you're gonna remember it. Even Costa have decent coffee!
The tagine arrived. It looked like steaming dishwater, where most of the dishes had already been washed up. I asked if I could have a proper sized portion and that it in no way looked like £7 worth of food. That and a tiny bowl of slightly sour in odour bulgar wheat. Now these are not very expensive ingredients. It's vegetables and a bit if chunky couscous for goodness sake! Go ahead and pile it up, right? So while I waited for him to return with a larger portion I hoped the bulgar wouldn't give me food poisoning (I guess I was that famished). There were some additional carrots and the dish was rearranged to make a pile of veg. I already knew this was going to be a disaster, but I persisted and dumped the bulgar on top and dug in. It actually tasted of dishwater. It was dishwater with a little cumin added. I have eaten mediocre tagine in Marrakesh and I have eaten proper homemade tagine in said mecca of all tagine on the planet. But my God even the worst native tagine would wipe the floor with that dish of disgust I put to one side hoping I wouldn't have to smell the sour scent from the bulgar for much longer. I wasn't angry, just embarrassed and had to ask how long that bulgar wheat had been sitting in the fridge. It wasn't fit to serve, so shame on the chef who put that in a bowl to serve to a customer, me!
I'm sorry, but I can't wrap this up without describing the vegetables in the brown cumin dishwater. Some chunky, watery carrots, a piece of stringy sweet potato, fennel (or celery) and no word of a lie, something green and jelly like that could have been seaweed. I know, how could I have even put that in my mouth, but that's the thing! There is not much I don't eat (outside of meat as I'm a veggie)!! It was honestly the worst meal I have ever been served up, anywhere in the world, in my life. Now I'm not saying any of this to be cruel, I'm just incredulous, really. The whole thing felt... mean. Scrimping and saving with the tiny portion and the watery coffee. The customer shouldn't have to feeeel the establishment trying to keep the costs down.
I took a photo of the dishwater veg with the sour bulgar on top, but I won't post it, I think I have said more than enough. I had to get it off my chest. Sos :/
The table I sat at was nice and cosy, there was a bookshelf next to me. I like books. There was wifi. The waiter was nice. I didn't have to pay for the food even though I offered. I paid for the latte. I left a tip. The guy across from me had a large plate with what looked like an amazing slice of carrot cake. Should have gone for that.
Ps. I am writing this a day later and (thankfully) no food poisoning has happened. read more