Getting excited about buying new clothes is about as exciting for me as facing a tire rotation. Basically it's a long painful process that requires a great deal of patience. However, when my children need clothes, I transform into a draconian ruler with no bounds. I fuel myself up with a healthy fruit smoothie, stretch myself out with deep knee bends, to boost my standing powers and my attention deficit disorders. I focus like an astronaut at lift off, with my facial muscles pulled taunt, while fighting the forces of gravity, as I brave facing the dangers of space with my crew, and drive off with dedication, ignoring the multiple questions meant to sidetrack me.
Entering the massive store, my eyes zeroed in on several possible selections. My family divided up into separate directions for their conquests. With my military mind ticking off my structured time schedule, my son became distracted with quirky shirts and their humorless comments. I adjusted my rigid schedule, to feed the young and curious mind; however the effort became dead space while reading off the various shirt themes. "VOTE FOR NOBODY!" Will encourage anarchy, I declared. "Three ways to get rid of an annoying sister!" Will start a war, since he has three. "My life is all about playing video games!" Will promote unemployment. "I'm so perfect, pay attention to me!" Will lead to narcissism. "The words, "My Dad" ( near a picture of MacDonald fries...and a lesser than mathematical sign towards the word Dad.) Will promote obesity and disrespect. So after much debating, two shirts were chosen, and one glows in the dark with a prehistorical figurine, and the other a more dignified shirt for playing golf. At the checkout register we all gathered, with numerous items, that seemed to morph into a potential debate of overspending at home, and the price was ringing up fast, like a multiple car pile up on a heavily foggy freeway. The clerk understood my fixed stare, and gently pried the cell phone from my clenched fingers, easily typed in the store's website, clicked on a few discounts for the days, and surprisingly the total dropped substantially to a non threatening sum. We all sighed at the awesomeness of the moment. Leaving the store we were overcome by the chokingly dry 96 degree heat, and with the vision of the snow covered Rockies teasing our senses on the horizon; it was hard not to make a comment. Arrogantly, I pointed out the absurdity of the two climates, and that the coolness of the mountains should blow in to relieve us. We retreated to our car, joyous for the successful hunt. However upon entering the vehicle, my son leaned forward between myself and the other front occupant, to see what was in our bags, and we all three clunked heads together in one big BANG! Like an old three stooges movie, where my role was, 'Mo', a loud scream erupted from my throat, to chastise the youngest stooge,
as the bump on my head continued to grow. Needless to say I became quite testy. So yes, this store has exciting treasures, and yes a very helpful staff to save you money, and yes you might leave with many bags of new garments. Unfortunately the consumers will become so excited, that they may cause you bodily injury. Borrowing your son's skateboarding helmet might be necessary before re-entering your vehicle, and avoiding comments against the weather as well, are contributory suggestions. The bump on my skull prevented the five star rating, although the reader will surely sympathize and understand. read more