Barreling down a lonely stretch of interstate highway at 90+ miles per hour in the driving rain at 11:30 on a Friday night might sound like fun if you're a methed out long-haul trucker, but it was absolute torture to me. As I nodded off for the ninth time only to be snapped awake by the din and vibration of the rumble strips on the side of I-5, I decided that it was time to pull off for the night. But where? I'm in the middle of BFE.
At that moment salvation presented itself in a 20' x 30' sign on the side of the road offering a room for $25.99 per night. How could I resist? The pull of Mr. Sandman was far too strong to escape and I needed a place to lay my head. So dodging trucker bombs (those water bottles full of toxic meth enhanced trucker piss you see on the side of the highway) and lot lizards, I pulled off in Buttonwillow and looked for this fabled cheap room.
I walked into the lobby and was greeted by a bed-headed Indian woman who showed me my 'ultra-luxurious accommodation' for the evening. The room had a saggy twin bed with a cover that I wouldn't have wanted to hold a black light to (damn you for making me neurotic, CSI), a well-used table and chair, a tiny TV, a bedside table, skanky carpeting and a dirty bathroom. Oh joy. Not being in a position to complain, I took the room. I walked around in my flip flops, not wanting to actually walk on the carpeting barefoot. About a half hour later, I headed off to sleep, the drone of Interstate 5 just outside my door.
The place was disgusting and at 5:15 am after a less than restful night of sleep, I woke up and got the fuck out of there. My bathroom was so foul that I didn't even take a shower. I just left. Quickly.
This is a great place to stay if you're a methed out trucker, a hooker or serious hillbilly trash. If you don't fall into any of those categories, then it would be best to find another place to stay. Needless to say, I won't be staying there ever again.
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