My siblings and I are deeply grateful, especially to the staff at Raksha - Regina, Zenash, and…read moreSumitra--who have such a difficult job, but one they all choose to do because they care about the elderly. I witnessed them sing, tell jokes and stories, and get my dad to say and sing things he hadn't in years, smile, and laugh. They got his diet so clean, they were able to take him off insulin for the most part, which he had been on since he was a young adult. They got him to walk after a hip surgery and treated him with care and dignity as they did the other patients they cared for at the same time. Shalini and Nalini were effective and communicative as an administrative team, who had good connections to medical care and were open to alternative care as well. Dr. Andrew Wallach who is the "house doctor" was wonderful and did this because he cared about this segment of the population who are aging rapidly without an infrastructure in this country to take care of them.
For almost a year, my dad spent his last days in this place of care. One of us adult kids would visit about once a week at least. And the weekend before he died (the staff and administration tried to warn us--they knew as they had seen pre-death so many times), I could tell that he tried to express thanks for care the staff was giving him, even with his state of dementia. There was no panic of the unknown in his eyes--just him trying, with his lack of ability to speak or move much, to communicate last messages--including ones of gratefulness to his caretakers--the patient, talented, smart women who carried him into bed, changed his diapers, cleaned up endlessly around the toilet, cut and his hair, cooked amazing Ethiopian food (yum!), took his and others' odd yelling with grace, and engaged him in conversation when he asked where his wife (my mother) was (died just a month before he was admitted)--people who authentically cared about him.
I really hate to break it to you, adult children, but end of life for our parents is hard and never perfect. It's not going to match our expectations of when we may have last seen them. I do not lie -- it will always suck, but we should be grateful and thankful that there are others like the folks at Raksha to give our parents the best possible end of life that we cannot for whatever reason we might feel guilty for -- we live too far, we have busy jobs, busy lives, children to take care of -- whatever the reason. Or just that health-wise, our parent really would benefit more and have a better quality of end-of-life from a place that understands and can provide 24-7 care better than we could provide.
Some of our parents will be much more far gone (either mentally, physically, both) than others--and this is where you, adult child, need to do your homework and really determine what kind of living situation will be right for your parent for what their needs are now. A care home may not the right choice for absolutely anyone who may be experiencing memory issues, physical limitations, etc. Yes, it's scary - but it may not be the right choice right now.
For my dad who was forgetful enough to not eat or drink; who wandered in the streets and thought he could still drive; who never remembered the person who just talked to him 2 minutes ago or what was said; who had incontinence, mobility, and chronic health issues; who had limited ability to converse normally with people and was prone to occasionally shouting--the house of Raksha was a blessing for him and us.
So for that, I give Raksha 5 stars--but keep in mind, it's 5 stars only if you, adult child, did your homework and determined it was the right situation for your parent. If your parent is only entering the initial states of dementia but has no other issues, it may be more appropriate to look into hiring a caretaker to come to your parent's home certain hours of the day and do certain tasks. If your parent really is looking more for a senior community housing to spend their golden years in, then that's a different kind of situation as well.
Best of luck to anyone dealing with discernment around end of life care for a loved one. Please feel free to message me on yelp if you want to ask more about our experience with Raksha.