First time in Minnesota. Meeting my girlfriend's parents and two brothers for the first time.. I…read morehad just won a meat raffle. Caught $100 ticket on a pull tab. Then, my beautiful girlfriend orders White Castle to be delivered to the hotel we were staying at. I can tell you that I will never underestimate a small man when if I fight one again. That little slider took control of my gut. I have taken 30 turds in three days. Like a clown car for poop. And when I wipe it. It doesn't stop. It's like wiping a marker. Over and over and over I wipe. Still poop. I think WC stands for water closet, not White Castle. I literally have now named my parasite that came into my body via a White Castle slider. I even flew it home with it, it is still there. Slider carry on.
I knocked down a probiotic. It was expired. Which added to their army. My bad. I'm getting attacked by a slider. Seriously. I think they gave me a bad one because I wasn't from Minnesota. Which is cool. I get it. So I will tell you all. If you're not from Minnesota, pay more respect to White Castle. Gnarly things come in small packages. I'm gonna give it five stars because it worked. White castle sliders are legit. WC, please don't mess with me if I come back to Minnesota. Remember...."Nick is your friend". I did nothing to you. Just know that I will come back and pay respect to the slider this next time around. Five stars all around. Have not been able to trust a fart since that slider. Rolaids is making a grip off of that slider. They should think about a collab.
Respect for the slider. I'm coming back. Cuz it actually tasted great. Like a moth to a flame. I'll be back.
I am now a Vikings fan.
Update.
For anyone that took the time to read this review. I thank you. Understand that I spent more time in the WC the first 2 minutes that it took you to read this review. That being said, I feel obligated to update all of you.
It's been four days (rounding up). I have lost two pairs of my favorite underwear, lost 10 pounds, 9 friends, my job and have been to my local Costco three times for more TP. Thinking Chamin should collab with WC, alongside Rollaids. Anyway, I know you are all thinking it. Conspiracy wise. But, nah. Just like we landed on the moon, it happened. Just happy that Neal Armstrong didn't hit up White Castle before his trip. Russia would have gotten there first.
Anyway, I'm all good. The jello in the ICU isn't that bad. Nurses and murses are nice. I have good insurance.
If I don't make it. I hope I go to White Castle in my afterlife. That loose end (loose bowels). Need to close them.
We are not here for a long time, we are here for a White Castle time..
Didn't want to share this. I hope she is reading this right now. My beautiful girlfriend, whom I was a slider away from proposing to, left me. The last time I got any action was when my fingers poked through the toilet paper.
Baby, if I make it. I promise, never to poop this much again. I love you.
Update.
It might be to no avail. The slider ate my kidneys. Gallbladder and finally died trying to eat my liver. Bad decision. On both of our parts. But, in all fairness, no one likes a quitter
On a bright note, if I survive, I will catch a handicap parking placard. Which is cool.
I am starting a gofund me page. I will send White Castle sliders to everyone i do not like. I may be able to set it up where I can send sliders to your enemies. But just like WC sliders, there are no guarantees.
Pray for me.
Update. Good news bad news. Turns out their sliders are contagious. That's the bad news. The good news is that you don't have to wear a mask on your face like during g COVID. You will need to wear a mask on your rear ends. But, how would they police that? Right? I think we are good.
Less pink eye cases at least. Don't want to even think about how they will test for the slider pandemic. Not my problem, if I survive, I will have antibodies (that smell like a used minivan coupled with burnt onions). Which is cool.
In keeping with 2026, please know that I now identify as a slider. My pronouns are meat, bun, onions.
Be safe out there. Respect the slider
Update. Day 6.
Finally released from Hospital. Can't feel my face still, hoping I didn't catch belz palsy. My phone still won't unlock, via facial recognition., because it doesn't recognize me. Went to a local restaurant that serves sliders. I carry one with me now. Only way to get my iPhone to unlock, via facial recognition. I am worried about turning into a slider. My new name I use is now Frank, a man between two buns sans arms and legs.
Cashed a check at the bank, they wouldn't take my drivers license as ID. I had to pull out the slider, it worked. Which is cool.
When I close my eyes, all sliders. My dreams are now all sliders. Sliders come in mysterious ways. It's life.
Please do not worry about me. I will be fine. My couch pulls out, but my slider won't