This handsome old woodie (I feel dirty having typed that) is Valleyfair's only original roller…read morecoaster. It gives a rickety ride that I would still class as fun, though not loads and loads of it. No big thrills, but that butterflies in your stomach on several of the drops. It might be better in the front or back. This was the only coaster at VF we said "the hell with it" and just rode in the middle. (We tried Wild Thing from the middle, too, though we also gave it a whirl from the front and back cars.) Hiiiiigh roller (that's how the ride ops say it) is far from the best here, but it's better than the non-reaction the MC in the station got from a returning train. "Welcome back, riders! How was your ride on Hiiigh Roller?" Dead silence! Show some life, folks! High Roller is easy to spot, but hard to locate a queue for, as Cedar Fair, in their infinite wisdom, has it buried in Planet Snoopy. It took us a while to make our way onto it for that reason. HR could also use a new coat of paint as the one it has now is cracked and peeling for most of the ride's length. (One section must have been retracked as one area had blindingly new looking paint.) This coaster is a cool piece of history and I wouldn't have minded going Hiiiigh Rolling again, but it's no Renegade.

The initial drop on this coaster is insane! This ride is…read morepretty intense for something that's in a mall! I grew up with the episode that this roller coaster is based on . Where SpongeBob and Patrick go to rock-bottom because they took the wrong bus and it plum it down a steep hill. That's definitely the feel they were going for here and they nailed it! This is a pretty good adrenaline pumping ride !

FORTY FATHOMS DEEP…read more This SpongeBob themed ride is undoubtedly the most thrilling roller coaster inside Nickelodeon Universe. I had to sneak away from the family to snag this important coaster credit (don't worry, my wife begrudgingly OK'd it and thankfully the wait was short).  The queue doesn't move fast--trains only seat 8 at a time, and with only a single car on the track most days, the line can stagnate. The coaster itself is bright teal track and a tidy 1,371ft in length - shorter than the neighboring Pepsi Orange Streak (2,680ft).  The ride lasts 2 minutes although nearly half of that is time spent on the 75ft vertical lift hill. Speaking of which, a vertical lift is unsettling if you've never experienced one before.  It's different from an elevator lift, which has you facing forward at all times; a vertical lift has you facing UP, as in the sky, or in this case, glass roof. After a brief stall at the crest of the lift hill (which comes incredibly close to the ceiling), there's a beyond vertical drop taken at 97° which gets the flame-decaled car up to 44mph.  As the car "bottoms out" at the base of the drop, true to the ride's namesake, you hit 4.5G's.  You feel it, too! This is followed by a vertical loop, a small bunny hill that delivers a brief pop of airtime, a cutback/overbanked turn (technically an inversion), and a heartline roll.  From there, it's a block brake section and a few low to the ground turns that ends with a 360° helix. The highly 3D signage is awesome too.  The coaster's based off of the Season 1, Episode 17 segment where our titular character and Patrick get stranded in the abyssopelagic zone (yes, I had to look that up).  The in-your-face sign and overall ride experience aligns perfectly with the theme of the episode.  Well done! * TL;DR * The mere fact that a roller coaster this intense exists inside The Mall of America is pretty remarkable. While it's shorter than I'd like (it could really use another ground-hugging heartline roll) and more toned down compared to some other Gerstlauer coasters out there - like Monster @ Adventureland in Iowa - I've still gotta give it 5*. All in all, it's a great addition to Nick Universe and the sensation of nearly touching the top of the large atrium as you come over the top is a really unique feeling.  I definitely recommend grabbing a few laps on this one.

HALFPIPE HEAD-SCRATCHER…read more This 'U'-shaped ride inside the Mall of America is technically a roller coaster, albeit a lame one. I was intrigued by Avatar Airbender, as I'd never ridden an Intamin 'Surfrider' coaster before.  The layout is nothing more than a large halfpipe, with the main car (styled to look like a giant surfboard) making repeated passes back and forth. This ride is built into an ugly concrete pit at the center of Nickelodeon Universe, and the signage doesn't stand out much to indicate where the entry is.  The train seats 2 pods of 6 riders; these circular pods experience controlled spinning throughout the ride, which is fun. Because of the geometry of the surfboard train, the entire floor has to drop away to allow enough clearance between the car and the track.  There's also large gates on either side of the station that open/close, which further adds to the dispatch times.  The unloading process can be slow. At any rate, the surfboard-styled car makes roughly a dozen passes over linear synchronous motors (LSMs).  These propel riders up two identical 98ft spikes that nearly touch the glass ceiling above Nickelodeon Universe, hitting a top speed of 44mph.  The sensation is fun but fleeting--the entire ride lasts less than a minute. *TL;DR * Yes, it rolls, and yes, it coasts, but no, I still don't think this deserves to be considered a true roller coaster. For comparison, Vertical Velocity @ SFGAm in northern Illinois also looks like a 'U'-shaped halfpipe, but it launches up to 70mph and lasts a solid 90 seconds.  This ride is under power nearly the entire time and does the bare minimum of coasting. Avatar Airbender has a boring theme, short ride duration, and an unexciting layout.  I only rode this to get "credit" so I could add to my official roller coaster tally.  Though if I had my way, I wouldn't even classify this goofy thing as a bonafide coaster.  Hell, I coast more on my drive to work in the morning. If I found myself back at MoA and only had time for 3 rides, I'd skip this without question.

If dogs could ride this, it'd be the Muttant Ninja Tuttle Ride. If cats could ride it, it'd be the…read moreNinja Tortie Ride. And if big African animals could ride, it'd be the Ninja Turtle Rhino. Sadly it's none of those things. At the Mall of America they are basically willing to rip off every cartoon and kids thing imaginable to make a ride out of it to try and get more people to fork out the money for their kids. It's pretty expensive. Some of the rides are pretty cool but they don't really have that much in common with the characters that they represent. It's more like just a gimmick-type thing. This one's a little bit out-of-date too but I guess the turtles sometimes come and go and they are pretty adorable so who doesn't love the turtles in general. Her kids definitely did, but I think they liked the Spongebob one better. Just watch out for the holy admission prices Batman.

These giant drop towers are usually the most nerve racking rides at amusement parks for me. (I've…read morenever been on one of those up charge bungee chord rides though.) It's all about the suspense. Funny thing is, about a fraction of a second into the drop I remember it's actually really fun and exhilarating, refreshing, too, if it's a hot, stuffy day and you get a breeze rushing past you. Still, they get me keyed up every time! Identical in height to it's counterpart at Cedar Point, this Power Tower has only columns opposed to four, sacrificing a second column where the hydraulics shoot you up the tower since everybody knows being propelled down is more fun, not to mention suspenseful. One column wasn't running the day we went and Power Tower was the only ride at VF that operations were a bit slow on. It's always nice to get up into the air and see the view from these things, especially in an unfamiliar area for me like Shakopee, MN. And I appreciate that the top is still adorned with Valleyfair in the old school, medieval font as opposed to the uninspiring official Cedar Fair font that all parks seem to have imposed on them these days. Ely and I had a blast on Power Tower while Dave chickened out, waiting for us, looking like the Unabomber on the rickety bridge leading up to PT.

The streak is broken…read more After 48 years of living in the upper Midwest, I finally went snow tubing for the first time ever this winter at Green Acres. True to the song, Green Acres is the place to be. I don't have anything to compare it to, but I had a blast! (Provisionally, I'm giving it 4 stars, in case there is a 5-star tubing place out there.) It's a bit of a free-for-all: grab your own tube (of various sizes), grab the rope (wear gloves!), let go, find a clear spot (no lanes!) and fly down the hill and look back up to avoid other tubers as you head back to the tow rope. Not quite a free-for all: they separate single riders and chained riders, for safety. I appreciate this. Also, you'll need to pick a predetermined two-hour block of time before you go. Two hours of tubing was more than enough, by the way, even with a warming break and a bathroom break, you'll go up and down the hill many times and be wet and tired by the time you're done. "Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside!" Well played, Oliver Wendell Douglas!

If you're looking to go snow tubing please DO NOT go to Green Acres in lake Elmo. My family had fun…read morebut I had to force myself to have fun so I don't ruin everyone else's mood. We initially reserved for 20 people, 12 ended up showing up because of other circumstances. I inquired to only pay for 12 but they said we have to pay for all 20 because that was their policy. I inquired if they can just resell the 8 tickets because it's going to waste. They even called me at 11:08am saying that if I don't confirm their text then they're going to resell ALL our tickets...why couldn't they resell those 8? The manager says it's in the policy. I could not find the policy anywhere and asked if they could show me and I'll close my mouth and walk away. They had a waiver which says nothing about it. I again inquired as to where I can find the policy that says I have to pay the remainder. The supervisor responded with " the policy is the text I sent you and I'm not going to argue with you about this, you can either leave or go out there and have fun." Supervisor couldn't even confirm to me that it was an actual policy and got defensive when I kept inquiring about it. I simply crumpled a piece of paper and walked away. What was supposed to be only $80 for me my wife and two kids stacked up to $240. Not professional and left very bad first impressions that they only care about your money. Clerks were younger and good sports. Not wasting another cent on Green Acres. First and last time.

Another park to check off the list. We love finding different parks to go to and to try all the…read moredifferent playground equipment. And it was another one we found by accident. Nice to find this one with a little wading pool on this hot sunny day. The wading pol is about 1.3 deep. Just the right depth for our little one. Two playgrounds. One for tots and one for the older kids. Of course our tot always wants to wander over to the bigger equipment. There are cute little smaller ones for the tots. A ship, a teeter thingy, sand crain etc. There are bathrooms. One stall and not those wretched port a johns, so this is a plus.

I love to take my son to this park, especially because we live in Linden Hills and it's very…read moreconvenient to walk to. The playground equipment could use some updating but with the wading pool in the summer and the ice skating in the winter there is always something to do.

Excalibur reminds me of a mine train ride only with more balls. Like Corkscrew, it's an old school…read moreArrow Dynamics creation so it's not modern precision smooth but I found it less clunky than that garish looper. It has a decent first hill and lots of fun twistiness after. It was a cool, slightly rainy day when my friends and I visited Valleyfair and we really got a nice breeze as Excalibur whipped us around. Excalibur has handsome trains with a nice logo and a cozy spot at the back of the park. (Maybe a bit too cozy. Rumor has it ol' Ex might get the axe so VF can expand Soak City and give the water park it's own entrance plaza and parking lot.) The ride ops on Excalibur were great on the day we visited. Maybe it's because it was opening weekend and the season was new and fresh, but they were doing a great job trying to not send trains out with empty seats and joking around to boot. One dude gave one rider a hard time for being a Cowboys fan and it was priceless. "Enjoy your ride on Excalibur everybody! Everybody except YOU, Cowboys fan! " (Do not reprimand this worker, Cedar Fair corporate types. That sh*t was hilarious!) I liked Excalibur but truth be told wouldn't be too upset if Valleyfair took it down. Well, maybe if it made lines for Renegade significantly longer. Cause Valleyfair has another coaster built atop wood that is exhilarating in a way Excalibur only hints at. We almost rode Excalibur a second time, mostly to enjoy the ride ops schtick but opted instead to to strap into the awesomeness that is Renegade. Get your Last Call on here at Excalibur but it's not marathon worthy like Renegade or Wild Thing.