After an altercation with a live bat, this Marriot saved me from near insanity and possibly rabies.
Let me explain: I arrived at this hotel at 3:30 AM. This was after a tumultuous, surreal night that started at an Airbnb four hours earlier. Trying to avoid costly hotel rates, I had booked a room in a man's house, nestled deep in rural Pennsylvania. When I first arrived, I was met by a twitchy, possibly strung out man with silver fingernails. A bit unsettled, but determined to enjoy my night, I popped out to explore the area.
When I arrived back at 11:30 PM, I sat down on the mattress and prepared for sleep. I'd have to wake up at 5 AM to head into DC. That is, until I heard a rustling noise coming from the corner of the room. You know the bat I mentioned? It was trapped in the room, between a window and a screen, only first noticed at night due to its nocturnal habits. It was squealing, scratching around the window, and honestly would have been cute if not commonly known for carrying encephalitis, rabies, and ebola.
Now I had to wake up this man with silver fingernails. I'm feeling around in the dark, illuminating the creeky 200-year old farm house with the light of an iPhone. I had tried calling of course, but this man was resting deeply (somewhere in the house, I know not where). I am shouting his name, tapping on walls, and finally I discover he is behind a curtain, sleeping on a chair. Disgruntled, groggy, and seemingly unapologetic about the bat situation, he joins me in the room where he breaks open the previously sealed window (a mystery how the bat got trapped) to let it escape. The bat is now sitting in the windowsill, behind the now mostly-closed window, seemingly dead and not leaving (possibly due to the deadness). Who knows how long it had been trapped? I tried tapping the window to trigger its departure, then ran the dull end of a plastic fork along the bottom of the window to hopefully wake it. This was a critical error.
The bat AWAKENS, looks back at me, SHOUTS A SHRILL WAR CRY, and then somehow slinks its body underneath the window and back into the room. The terror of this moment was both hilarious and horrifying, I'm having my very own Batman origin story. I run out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I hear it collide with lamps, walls, who knows what. I crack open the door to look and the bat is doing circles around the room (almost majestically). All my stuff is inside, including my phone which I dropped in the flurry. There is, at this point, a zero percent chance I'm going to wake up the silver fingernailed homeowner again, so I crack open the door one more time. The bat stops its circular flightpath and zooms DIRECTLY TOWARD ME. I slam the door just in time. I wait a few moments until the sounds of bat-to-lamp collisions subside and dart into the room. I don't see the bat, it could be anywhere. I could be its next victim. I grab my stuff and get the hell out.
Now, I feel I have essentially no choice but to leave the house. It's 12:30 and I get on the road. I drive for two hours, hoping for a hotel closer to DC. I finally land at a York, PA Holiday Inn. Upon arrival, I am confronted by a drunk Navy Seal and a father whose daughter is to be married the next day. Both are wasted, don't know each other, and immediately trap me in conversation. The father is pouring his heart out, telling me he's sorry he let his daughter use his favorite song as her wedding song, because "now I will cry every time I hear it. It's my favorite song. Why did I let her use it? What have I done? Have I told you my daughter is getting married tomorrow?"
After somehow slinking out of this fascinating interaction, I am told by the Holiday Inn that it is actually too late to check me in, even though one room is available, because new guests will need to occupy the room in only a few hours. Ok. Now the Navy Seal tells me he is married to the old Asian woman at the front desk, which is not relevant, nor ultimately true, but colored the moment nicely.
I'm on my ass again and on the road. Five straight hotels I call have no availabilities. It's 3:30 now and I finally arrive at the Courtyard York Marriot. As it turns out, it's so late that the hotel is rebooting its system and doing a "time audit" (I had no idea what the front desk woman was talking about when I called). Now I'm chatting with this nice Marriot employee whose name now escapes me on account of the 3:30 AM interaction. She attempts to book me a room despite the system reboot and reveals a shockingly high rate. She can read on my face (and possibly due to the time of night) that I've just been through a situation. I explain my showdown with the bat, the owner with silver fingernails, the drunk Navy Seal, I just lay it all out there. In response, she gets me the lowest rate possible, the "bereavement rate."
The room is impeccable, bat free, and I sleep for 3 hours. I'm so thankful for this Marriot and am proudly rabies-free to this day. read more