ONE STAR -- BIENVENIDOS A MIAMI: WHERE TWO CROISSANTS, TWO COFFEES AND A HAM SANDWICH CAN APPARENTLY REQUIRE FINANCING. Over $60.00 for 2 TWO croissants, TWO coffees, ONE ham sandwich and juice.
If you want to get screwed without lubrication AND pay almost $60 for the privilege, Cecile Bakery + Cafe may have the experience you've been looking for.
We went with my family on Saturday, September 19, expecting to have LUNCH. Apparently, that was our first mistake.
We were told there was basically no lunch available -- just pastries and some premade sandwiches. Fine. We're already there. How bad could it be?
Famous last words.
We ordered TWO croissants, TWO coffees and ONE ham sandwich.
THE DAMAGE: ALMOST $60 WITH TIP.
For a moment I thought perhaps the croissants came with waterfront property in Brickell. Maybe there was a Rolex hidden inside the ham sandwich. Perhaps the coffee beans had been individually flown first class from Paris.
Nope.
Instead, we received two COLD, DRY, STALE croissants presented in little cardboard boxes like the world's most expensive Happy Meal.
Butter? No.
Jam? No.
Proper napkins? Barely.
Plates and cutlery? Apparently those are optional luxury upgrades.
Were we supposed to eat everything with our hands and wipe them on our shirts?
The young waitress was actually SUPER SWEET. Bless her heart -- she was new, in her first few days, and genuinely trying. Absolutely none of this review is directed at her.
But the person who appeared to be the manager/owner? AY, DIOS MÍO.
We very politely asked if the croissants could at least be warmed up.
Apparently, requesting a warm croissant at a bakery is the Miami equivalent of demanding a private jet.
Into the microwave they went, and back came the boxes with an attitude and a face that practically said, "How dare you disturb me at my place of business by purchasing something?"
UNA CARA DE MIERDA that could have curdled the milk in our coffees.
Listen, we ALL have bad days. But if customers annoy you that much, CLOSE THE DOOR, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND GO TO THE BEACH. Don't charge people nearly $60 for Aldi-quality croissants, coffee and a premade ham sandwich and then act offended when they ask for the pastry to be WARM.
This is Miami. We're accustomed to ridiculous prices. We've survived $25 cocktails, $50 valet parking and restaurants where somebody brings a sparkler to your table and suddenly your bill requires a home-equity line of credit.
But at least give us BUTTER, utilensis and a napkin - coño
For almost $60, I don't need the Ritz-Carlton. I just want a decent croissant, a napkin and somebody who doesn't look like they're considering having me physically removed for asking them to use the microwave.
Food: Terrible
Value: AY, POR FAVOR you'd need a Line of Credit on your house in Cocoplum.
Service from the young waitress: lovely.
Management attitude: MIAMI attitude WITH A SIDE OF STALE CROISSANT.
Would I return? Not even if the croissants were FREE. read more