How much joy can a for-profit aquarium bring you? That's a question I was asking myself before and…read moreeven after I went to SEA LIFE off the San Antonio Riverwalk.
When I was a kid, I was ecstatic when the Legoland Discovery Center and the SEA LIFE opened in Grapevine. My parents would take my brother and me on a day-trip to Grapevine to go play with Legos and tour an aquarium right after both opened in the Dallas area. Little Zach could stare at the fish for hours on end and ultimately beg his mother for another useless stuffed animal from the gift shop. Those were the days.
Adult Zach is a lot more cynical. About $23.56 with fees was the price of admission for the more recently opened SEA LIFE in the Rivercenter Mall. It was the first weekend that SEA LIFE was Animal Crossing: New Horizons themed. It's the same aquarium, but with some inspired touches from Animal Crossing, including signage and info of the different critters pulled directly from Blathers, in-game. This was already successful at a few aquariums across the globe and was traveling to all the SEA LIFE locations in the US this year.
I love Animal Crossing to death. It's my favorite video game franchise, point-blank period. Why couldn't Animal Crossing attempt to partner with the Dallas World Aquarium or the Texas State Aquarium? Who knows.
SEA LIFE it is. SEA LIFE in all caps. SEA LIFE in all its profitable greed. SEA LIFE is housed in the worst mall in San Antonio, the Rivercenter. Home of the Texas Revolution tchotchke. A place only made to house tourists visiting the Riverwalk and the Alamo next to the Ripley's Believe It or Not, wax mannequins, and the Catholic church that wouldn't succumb to the greed that downtown had turned into.
That greed hits you as you enter the Metropolis Parking Garage scanning your license plate and immediately putting a $10 hold on your card. $4 an hour here. SEA LIFE doesn't validate, just gives you a little discount. Greed.
After getting my ticket scanned, I was escorted to an overflow line to meet Tom Nook. Here I waited for over 30 minutes for my little picture. I struck up a conversation with one of the ladies managing the line about the opening rush of this Animal Crossing exhibit. She was very friendly, telling me how she typically works on the aquarium floor, but was asked to help manage this line upstairs and wished she was back downstairs. As I waited in line with a family getting uncomfortably close to me in the back and two girls plotting how to get multiple pictures with Tom Nook in front of me, I eventually got my picture with the guy.
I then took an elevator downstairs where I got to tour the exhibit. It's not a typical open-air aquarium where you pick where you want to go. This is one of the only aquariums where you feel pushed to keep moving through its narrow path to get the hell out of there. It was just a tier or two above just wandering a Petco. I mean, there were definitely high-dollar-value sea creatures, but that's how the vibes felt. The Animal Crossing decorations probably took them a few hours to set up. That includes six character cutouts, plenty of Animal Crossing informational plaques, and a Gully character hiding above one of the tanks.
Walking through the exhibit, there were stingrays, a few sharks, jellyfish, eels, and turtles (maybe, they were not in their tank). They were fun little exhibits. There was a VR ride I didn't do because I wasn't five like everyone else sitting in those chairs. The employee managing the line from earlier was actively moving down to the aquarium floor while I was looking at the sharks. She explained the different creatures in the tank and was actually vital in helping me learn everything that was in the tank . Her expertise and knowledge were probably one of the only worthwhile and joyous things at SEA LIFE San Antonio. She deserves to work for a real aquarium.
I was in the gift shop no less than 30 minutes later. That included me showing my girlfriend every sea urchin in two separate tanks over FaceTime, which probably took ten minutes in itself. The gift shop in terms of Animal Crossing merch was abysmal, as seemingly other patrons already cleared it out on day one. We were on day three here. I bought an Animal Crossing mug because why not. I love my favorite video game. When I asked for a bag while checking out, the lady at the checkout told me bluntly, "no," and offered to sell me a $5 tote bag. Mind you, multibillion-dollar attraction conglomerate Merlin Entertainments made about 2.5 billion dollars in FY25. Suddenly, SEA LIFE is the moral altruist and bastion towards sea creatures after enclosing them in a shopping mall and letting a third of their population die annually. Merlin owns the Legoland that shares the gift shop. They give Lego customers a bag. Kinda fishy.