How dare you call yourself "Fast Food". HOW. DARE. YOU. I am completely and utterly baffled at this moment by what just transpired at my local Burger King Location. I was not treated like a King, I was treated as a mere peasant. Allow me to elaborate.
I left my home at 10:08 pm tonight. My wife was intensely craving a Reese's Pie and I a more traditional Hershey's Pie (do you know their recipe hasn't changed for nearly a decade?). In attempt to tip the status quo of our relationship to my side in hopes of once again gaining carnal knowledge of my wife tonight I decided to take a long drive to Burger King to purchase delectable desserts as she had cooked a scrumptious dinner. 4 minutes later, I arrived at your location.
I was elated to see only 2 cars in front of me. Falsely elated. As I sat in 11 degree weather on a Thursday night pondering what my life had become, my vehicle struggled to produce warm air out of the vents as the drive had not been enough to warm the engine. I carefully and tactfully depressed the accelerator in a rhythmic manner that even the cast of Stomp would lust over.
The moment came when the vehicle at the ordering telecommunication device moved to the next stage of pay and delivery. I glanced down at the clock and it read 10:22. I rubbed my eyes and yet it still said 10:22. Had it really been 10 minutes since this poor soul had begun his order? Was I stuck in a twi-light zone where fast-food takes an hour and you can have sub-par American fare at TGI Friday's in a mere 7 minute visit? I thought perhaps this individual had a larger-than-life heart and in fact had ordered enough food to feed a village of Hipsters in the Upper East Side.
At last, the vehicle in front of me moved to the ordering telecommunication device and began to process his order. I prayed to all known Gods (trust me, I had the time) that he too was not ordering for a number of people many times the typical amount you would find in your economical yet laughable Toyota Prius. Who cares what the drag factor of that grocery getter is anyways!
A mere (that's sarcasm right there, at it's finest) 8 minutes later at precisely 10:30, I proceeded to drive my vehicle to place my simple yet carefully calculated order. I was going to have 2 Reese's Pies and 2 Hershey's Pies - two of which were intended to be consumed tonight and 2 for tomorrow. I swiftly used my one-touch window operation to quickly open my window and give my order. Yet, there was no voice coming through the ordering telecommunication device and I sat in disbelief. Nearly 90 seconds later, I closed the window to maintain the heat in the vehicle and left just enough so I could hear the voice of the person who would soon be gracing me with the desserts I had traveled for.
My stomach ferociously rumbled and I decided to also order onion rings to hold me over until I arrived at home, favorite dessert in hand and pick my wife up from her feet and swing her into the bedroom as I had done on our wedding night. Little did I know this was not what my night or your employees had in store for me. I was advised that you were out of Reese's Pies- precisely the reason why I made this journey in the first place. I opted for 3 Hershey's pies instead and would roll the dice with the wife.
I arrived to the take out window at 10:36 where I observed 4 employees inside your location. To my disbelief, there were 2 people cleaning, 1 person placing orders, and 1 person cooking. That's right sir, there was 100% more people cleaning than there was cooking. Correct me if I am wrong, but you make money based on the amount of food you make, correct? Your Tesla wasn't bought by the amount of times your floors has been mopped, I know that for a fact. I figured that perhaps they were cleaning so they could leave on time at 11pm sharp but that does not account for the last 24 minutes that I had been in line.
At 10:42 I was handed my order and not one single mention of the delay or apology was made. Had someone mentioned they had an unplanned Quincinera to go to, perhaps I would not have been so upset. Perhaps if you had Reese's pies in stock, I would not have been so upset. Perhaps if the transaction had not taken 30 minutes, I would not have been so upset.
As I was driving out of the store, I decided that perhaps this would be the best dessert I have ever purchased, and that I could perhaps put this all behind me. I reached into the bag for the snack I had purchased for the drive back home, and low and behold, I grab the coldest and stalest onion ring in all of recorded history. This thing must have been cooked hours before my arrival.
NOW I WAS FURIOUS!
What do I do? Turn around and demand a new set of rings? I couldn't bring myself to it. I humbly continued on my way.
I jolt the door open and OH NO! My wife is now fast asleep.
DO YOU SEE THE PAIN AND SUFFERING YOU HAVE CAUSED ME?
I am asking that you pay me back triple damages of $11.06 or I'll see you in small claims court. read more