There is an unbreakable symbiosis between Pennsylvania & New Jersey called Avalon.
Long ago--NJ beachfronts were discovered by realtors--they lured beachgoing Philadelphians to set down roots. With 20 yrs o' mortage payments, they now own these homes.
Avalon summers are peaceful & idyllic. No discord ever strikes. The sun bakes down sweetly on necks, the soft roar of surf tingles in ears. Crisp sea breezes, brisk salt air, magic sunsets. Dogs, frisbees, tetherball. Sunburnt girls in bikini tops, cut-offs. Crushes. Fishing, jet-skiing, crabbing. Wet towels tossed over railings to dry. Everyone in flip-flops; & nothing is ever dirty--you shower off outside.
But instead of boardwalks crowded with boors--there are smooth, velvety asphalt streets and luxurious acreages. Its where soccer moms raise clean, wholesome, fresh-faced American tykes in large, 6-bdrm, permanent homes with 4-car garages, driveways, boatslips, decks, & docks. Its a town where kids ride their bikes without helmets and play wiffle-ball in the middle of the street.
Avalon is not a place for day-trips-to-the-beach by tri-state area families. Low-income clans from the NJ 'burbs can't pile into a car with chairs/umbrellas, and smear the stately, immaculate, white sands of this exclusive town. You can't come for just a few hours. There's no support for that.Day-beachers take themselves instead to Ventnor, Margate, Atlantic City, Wildwood, & Ocean City.
For Avalon, Sea Isle, & Stone Harbor: you have to have real money to live here. But you can enjoy all this, even at the $$$ price. Cuz Avalonians turn their homes back to the realtors each May. $20,000 dollars per house. Who pays? Young Philadelphians. 20 bozos @ $1k per head. Sleeping on the floor like a fraternity, getting stupid and sleazy. Playacting to each other that they are beach-savvy.
But this is the striking difference between Avalon families vs rootless young urban 20-sumptins who season-rent the town so maniacally. One half of the relationship never grasps that they are dilettantes. The year-round adults down here handle boats and sails every day. But renters--of any age--all revert to a strange form of overgrown toddler. Cramming food, guzzling suds, grabbing tits & ass, babbling. It is probably safe to say that *this* generation of Philly brats will never morph into future Avalon homeowners.
When you wander through the temporarily-vacated castles, you can often discover delicacy and grace in the home decor. Clues sometimes indicate homeowners with real class. By the very evidence of the town itself (how it is laid-out & maintained) the owners here have clearly lived long enough--invested enough energy in life & relationships--to acquire some real values. These must be individuals who live simply & tastefully. Ocean-devoted souls who savor tranquility, responsibility, domesticity. Surely, admirers of seaside life--else, why choose this beach to erect such expensive homes?
Anyway. Memorial wknd is the shot that starts the race. The latest wave of dizzo's charge down Route 42 with their new toys; new clothes, godawful Top40 EDM; & gab about Batman movies. In 12 hrs, their stoned, drunken, drugged bodies are splayed wall-to-wall in these pride-and-joy mansions thanks to weed & beer blowouts. Hash, cigs, kegs, pizza, ecstacy, beer luges, vodka, bongs, bands, dancing, blowjobs, and vomiting.
As twelve long weekends wear on--the same gossipy incidents which happen every year--always recur over again. At least one jealous brawl (two guys fight over some Barbie-doll), someone is kicked out of a bar, someone else fined, someone else drunkenly sheds off all their clothes, a little copulation is interrupted in the dunes, a pig roast, someone falls off the end of a dock. Variations on a theme.
You can find among this young mob: experts in ping-pong. Authorities in skin moisture. Marketing analysts. Dental techs. Gurus of hi-performance cars. You will meet practitioners of krav maga, yoga, and windsurfing. And of course everyone here is an expert on fitness, weight-loss, fashion, cosmetics, & nutrition. All the conversation though, comes down to one thing: money and how to make it, how to save it, how to spend it, how to enjoy it more.
Summering in this exact same manner, year after year--hobnobbing with the exact same type of people--following the same music, movies--everyone leading the same types of lives, with all the same goals--it's almost Victorian.
Very rarely, you hear mention of a skier dying in an avalanche or someone else washed away by a riptide. But summr always goes on exactly as usual. Avalon NJ. Consumer's paradise. 'They that hath, will continue to have..' read more