The Worlds Best Bar.
The Artesian is located in the Langham Hotel, a 5-star hotel right in the center of the city. Being in a hotel of this caliber, I was fully expecting a white tablecloth, old people dressed to the 9's sort of affair. I was absolutely wrong. Yes, the place is fancy. The visuals don't let the 5-star hotel down. But when I finally got through the door after an hour outside, what awaited me was mind-blowing.
The place is clearly packed based on my wait time, but as I slide up to the smallest spot at the bar I'm greeted as if I'm the only person in the place.
Rudi, the bartender (and my new best friend for the next four hours) hands me their amazingly presented cocktail menu. It's like a painters palette, but with a small wheel inside which you turn to reveal one cocktail after another, colour coordinated based on taste profile and adventurousness. I'm already in awe. I just got here.
Before I even order a drink, I take a look at the bar. The original 5-star hotel decor is all there. Long draping window curtains, white marble bar top, vintage chairs and tables. But, hanging all over the bar are weird little trinkets like hula girl statues, skulls, stuffed elephants and so many other things. Oh, and an entire shelf behind the bar holding what looks like twenty different awards.
I decide that I want to go hard right out of the gate, so based on the colours I choose something strong and adventurous, the "Above & Beyond". As they're making the drink it becomes clear to me what makes these guys the best in the world. These guys are FAST. Most great bartenders have speed but The Artesian guys are on the verge of a flair bartending show. It's flair without the circus act. They're throwing bottles between each other and lighting things on fire all while maintaining perfect service to the customers. Rudi throws a bottle to Simone while greeting a customer who's just walked in. While stirring one cocktail, he presents and fully explains another cocktail to a guest. They work with blazing speed and never once stop being absolutely flawless hosts. This is what makes them the best. This is why they are number one.
My cocktail arrives and again I'm in shock. Resting on top of my cocktail is a balloon. Rudi explains to me that the rum they use is Guatemalan and they wanted to give you the essence of where it was brewed, in a high altitude rainforest. When the balloon pops, the smell of the forest oozes out and fills my face with exactly what a rainforest would smell like. Inside the balloon, a dream catcher for me to keep, made by local Guatemalans.
"Experiencing a cocktail should be more than just taste. There are five senses to utilize, why not try and impress as many as possible?"
I'm hooked.
Of course the cocktail tasted amazing but it was just so much more. It was fun, it was unusual, it was impressive. And delicious. I want more. Lots more.
A lady beside me orders a Forever Young. The cocktail is presented behind a mirror. To drink it, a straw is placed in a hole through the center and as you take a sip, you gaze into the mirror, watching yourself get younger and more beautiful the more you drink.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Unfinished Business is my next cocktail. A bourbon cocktail aged in leather, a technique I have never heard of in my life. Delicious, as expected. But they garnished it with a piece of salami and now I never want to leave.
It becomes apparent that Rudi and I are each others Valentines Day dates and I don't know about him, but I don't mind. Valentines Day at The Artesian is the best way I can imagine to spend it. He pours a shot of mezcal to celebrate and I of course order another drink.
My next, Aqui Estoy. A tiki style drink served inside of "the skull of a former bartender who tried to steal our secrets". Resting on top of the crushed ice is a lime studded with cassia bark that they've set aflame using a blowtorch. The scent is to "hopefully remind you of Mexico City". A sombrero caps the top and you drink through a straw in the hat.
I'll have another drink.
Super Panda. A rum drink with mango, citrus, almond and ginseng liqueur. Resting on top is an inflatable panda lantern. As you crush the lantern with your drink, out comes the aroma of tangerines.
Reality Czech. A cocktail using two Czech ingredients (Becherovka and Budvar beer) served in a beer stein, that instead of shaking, they roll from glass to glass in order to aerate the drink and give it a frothy mouthfeel, much like the beer they just had to decarbonate in order to incorporate it into the drink.
This place is perfect. It's everything I want my bar to be. The drinks are absolutely amazing in more than just taste. They are presented beautifully and create a unique experience unlike any other. The staff are amazing hosts and make you feel like you are the only person that matters. And it's clear that they have fun. read more